Advice needed

[blossomhill22]

Hi I really need some advice. Has anyone been in the same situation as me ? I basically don't have a clue what this man is doing or thinking ,is he messing with my head or just scared .
So I have known this man in work for 3 years and I have always felt a connection towards him . I felt he felt the same too . We got on amazingly and we still do now . I would never admit my feelings for him until one day about 3 weeks ago he just came out with it . He said that he has strong feelings for me and he wishes he didn't because things are complicated . I said I had feelings for him too and we sat and talked about a few things . Everything was great . We have worked together nearly everyday and he has become pretty flirty with me . Touching me a lot and just playing around . It makes work fun .
We met up the other night and just went for a drive and talked for hours . I think we were both tempted to kiss but I was scared and I think he must of been too . We were talking yesterday and this is what has confused the hell out of me . We were taking about dtd . Both of us saying how we have wanted too for years and obviously it will happen sometime in the future . I would want to but I'm just so nervous and I can't put my finger on why . I'm scared it will ruin our friendship because he's like my best friend and I'm also scared once we do it he won't like me anymore . He came out with a what if we do it and I developed strong feelings for him or vice Versa because if that was to happen he would have to take a step back and it wouldn't be fair on me . He did text me when I got home after he said that and he apologised and said I know I sounded like a dick . But he wouldn't explain what he ment . Does anyone have any ideas please ? I'm tempted to just go back to just being friends .

I would bet money that he is in a relationship. But he doesn’t make that known because he likes to sleep with women at work.

My DP has a colleague who they all thought was single. He doesn’t actually know if he was putting it about at work but he never spoke about any relationship, until he moved in with his GF..... of four years.

I would just text him back and say that in hindsight it’s best that you not talk about any of this stuff because obviously nothing is ever going to happen, so it’s best you don’t see each other any more. Even as friends.

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit & @Bunnymumy

Wow! Each of your posts were direct and to the point, no messing !

Been there and bought the T-shirt... my advice would be to pull back and stick to flirting at work with him only. I know that’s easier said than done if you fancy him and feel a connection but - if it’s anything like my experience - based on what he said already, the moment you sleep with him it is very likely that he will pull away, you’ll be left feeling used and resentful and the friendship will become stilted and awkward. It’s not worth it unless he gets his act together and actually says he wants to be with you , with no ‘complications’.

Everyone is giving you good advice here OP. He is already messing with your head and will continue to do so. Men like this make out they are ‘confused’, ‘in a mess’, ‘struggling / overwhelmed by their feelings’ as a way to draw you in emotionally. You then want to help them and support them, feel sorry for them. perhaps end up having a relationship with them but it all ends in tears because ultimately they will say they were confused and didn’t know what they were doing (ie. nothing is their fault...)

OP, fast forward to having dtd. Think about how this will play out. Awkwardness. Shame. Unrequited feelings. Upset...the list goes on. You are having fun and frolics in the build up to something that he doesn't sound prepared to take seriously. Be strong & show him you have self respect - that you are not going to be his ONS/FB.

Enjoy the frisson now if it suits but it sounds like it's messing with your head. This doesn't sound like it will end well. 🚩

Just move on. He’ll be loving the attention he’s getting from messing you around. Please don’t wash your time trying to figure him out, it will end in tears.

He's messing with you.

He reminds me of my last boss who had superficial charm who used to sleep with all his underlings, when I asked him why he did it he said because it's like shooting fish in a barrel.

Don't be one of this man's fish.

I would avoid this. It seems like his already setting you up to mess you around. It’s not complicated if your both single stop before you get attached to him

Thankyou all for your comments I have read every single now and you all make sense . In a way I am starting to have days where he is making cringe . But then il have a few minutes of the day we're in like I do really like him . He wants to meet up tonight for a talk but I'm just going to text him and say i don't want to lose our friendship so it's best we just stay as we are . If not I will 100 percent be looking for another job

I wpuldnt say anything about a friendship because that makes him think you has half way hooked you already. And he will keep at you till he wares you down. ("Meet up for a talk' fs, likes the sound of his own voice doesnt he? xD)

Maybe just tell him you clearly arent looking for the same thing and you dont want things to be weird on your workplace so its best to draw a line under things now.

You dont want to let him think he has an in to keep on at you.

*think he has you half way hooked

He’s making this ridiculously intense and dramatic when it doesn’t need to be.

I agree with @Bunnymumy don’t even mention the friendship otherwise he will keep this going. He wants you there at his beck and call while he calls the shots about what happens next.

I’d say ‘Hi John, busy weekend so can’t meet. As you said yourself, we don’t want things to get complicated so let’s keep things simple and draw a line. I don’t want things to go any further. Have a good weekend. Blossom’

No kisses, no smiley face, just a clean and simple message which makes it clear that you have made a decision.

Finito. End.

Good on you op. He is bad news. Stay away.

God I hate men aye 😂 the more and more I have been reading your comments the more I do actaully think he is just using me for a shag cause he is just bored with his life . I'm actually going to order some food tonight have a glass of wine and just say I am busy 😬. Thing is I'm in no rush for a relationship with him and also the thought I'd sex with him doesn't feel right otherwise we would have definitely done it by now . I just keep putting it off and not even getting close to doing anything when we have spent time together. With a glass or the bottle of wine tonight I'm going to look for another job . Out of sight out of mind kind of thing 😊 x

Sounds like your instincts kick in and you maybe sense he isn't genuine whenever you are with him.

Put your phone in a drawer somewhere if you're gonna hit the sauce later xD. Incase you get tempted to send an embarrassing message or worse, he talks you into meeting.

Seems a shame to have to change jobs because of that bellend. Mind you, might be wise, if its easy enough to do.

bloody hell OP, this John is a right drama queen!

Good move about knocking it in the head and having what sounds like a lovely night in to yourself rather than listening to him emote about his mystery complications.

Sage advice there about not drunk texting.

Apologies if I missed a bit but how did the conversation skip from flirting to him asking you for sex and not out on a date? If this was led by him, please be sure that you're not the only one who's heard this routine at work

How was your Saturday, OP?

Sounds like he's leading you on, saying all these sweet nothings and then pretty much saying it'd be just sex.