Was it the wine?

[Caminoisland]

Hello! I'm just looking for a bit of advice as I’ve got a tendency to overthink things!

I’m a single mom of two boys and on Saturday I was over at a neighbour’s house. We have created a bit of a bubble with her house and I’ve been popping over more and more since corona for a couple of glasses of wine and a chat while the kids are there playing their games or watching a film. We get on really well and I’d consider her a good friend now, even though we’ve only known each other for a year or so.

I mentioned that I’d like a ‘part-time’ boyfriend- someone who’d be there for the good bits, but not someone I’d need to worry about or have as a complication in my life. She then asked if she could apply for the role… I laughed and joking said ‘yeah, sounds good!’. She then leant over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips! We both laughed it off and I left not long after and nothing else was mentioned, nor was anything awkward.

We’re all going over there again on Saturday, so trying to just get this straight in my mind before I see her again, just in case she does refer to what happened. If she doesn’t, I won’t bring it up, but I just want to be mentally prepared for if she does mention it. I don’t think there was anything in it but I wouldn’t really know how to say I’m not interested without knowing if she's just messing around as it could all be quite embarrassing!

Sorry – I know there’s bigger problems in the world right now, but I’m worrying a bit about this now!

Just say if anything comes up "you'd be ideal if you were male"

It does sound to me like she fancies you. If you're not interested at all, you could subtly bring the subject round to men and how awful they are. Then say something like 'They're so awful, I almost wish I was a lesbian sometimes. But unfortunately I'm not attracted to women at all.' That way she'll get the message.

If she is gay and interested then I wouldn't start telling her how much you hate men...

"Sorry I'm straight" should do it, should the need arise.

I wouldn't get too pissed next time you're there.

It sounds like she may fancy you. I would make it clear (not sure how) before the weekend as you don't want her to try and kiss you or things be awkward between you. Maybe say that you're looking into online dating or something.

I think she was testing the water. If she's a good friend, i don't think you need to do anything in particular except as PP suggested - not getting drunk together will probably make it less likely that she tries again. I wouldn't address it at this stage but if she does try something else, I'd just gently say that you're straight but try not to embarrass her e.g. if she touches your leg remove her hand with a little squeeze and a "sorry i'm straight" then immediately start a new conversation. I'm sure that's all she needs to get the message - if she tries it on after that you might have to be firmer!

I’d go easier, don’t say anything if she tries something again just laugh and say wish you were a bloke sigh and leave it there.

Meh I'd do that with my pals it's usually just a joke. If it comes up just say 'you're perfect, except for the lack of a penis - the world is so cruel.'

Then carry on as normal

Tbf you did say “yeah, sounds good”. Next time, should it happen then shut it down by saying it’s a man that you are after

Thanks all for the advice! She's not gay, but from what she's told me before she has been adventurous sexually, so I wouldn't be surprised if she has had female partners previously.

I'm going to drop her a quick message I think and mention it... I hate awkward situations, so would be good I think to do that before Saturday rolls around. I'll report back when I've worked out what to write

Maybe something like "I feel a bit awkward about that drunk kiss the other night - is it OK to act as if it never happened and never to speak of it again? "

Ooo I really wouldn't make it a "thing" by texting her. Just leave it and if she goes in for the kill again laugh it off, back her off and say "nah you're alright mate I like cock!"

Yes I think wine had a lot to do with it.
I agree with pp, I wouldn't make it a big thing and text her but I would make a point of only being into men next you see her, if your brave enough to see her again.

As someone attracted to both genders, I think the reaction here is somewhat over the top to be honest.

Most of us, if not all of us, have been in situations where a male friend has started to get “a little more friendly” than wanted. A woman need not be treated differently. Everyone tests the water in maybe forming that special friendship which leads to more. That is how most couples get together, regardless of the gender of the couple.

I think a text would make a big deal of it, just politely (and pleasantly) call a halt if something starts to evolve again.

I think a text would make a big deal of it, just politely (and pleasantly) call a halt if something starts to evolve again.

I agree with this. I wouldn't treat it any differently from an unwanted male advance. No need to make a big deal of it, unless she fails to back off once you've made it clear you're not interested.

She might be as mortified as you. Or she might be after you, but either way I wouldn't say anything but wait and see if she says anything like it again - then you you can firmly but light heartedly tell her you're not into girls!

I really wouldnt message before hand about the kiss. I've drunkenly had a kiss with my friend in a similar situation. Next time we saw each other we laughed, put it down to the sambucca 😳 and carried on.

Texting before hand would be making a thing out of it. If anything when you're together mention it, laugh and make a joke of it. Unless she tries to come on to you again then of course tell her strictly dickly thank you.

No, don't send a text.

If she says/does anything just say 'if only you were a bloke this would be perfect'

Or get in there first and say something about the men you've seen online & 'your type' etc. Make it clear what's attracting you

Thanks again for all the advice!

I did end up messaging her last night once the kids were in bed, just saying "I feel a bit awkward about the kiss last week - could we have a quick chat before I come over on Sat?".

She called me about 5 mins later and we had a really nice, long and funny chat . She was lovely and made it clear that she really values our friendship and would never do anything to make me uncomfortable.

She confirmed that she is straight romantically but has enjoyed some experiences with other women as I suspected.

So she has promised that she will never try and kiss me or anything else but has said she finds me really attractive and would be delighted if I wanted to kiss her

So I think it's all fine now - we get on so well we talked about it all quite openly in the end! I think I might just go easy on the wine on Sat as I have to be honest I'm really flattered

Well that’s a nice ego boost! Well done, sounds like you handled it well. She sounds like a great friend to have.

OP, I’m pleased there has been a hapoy ending. ‘Pleased you are righly flattered too.