Any therapists around? Need an objective opinion re: new counsellor

[MyNewName4This]

Could do with some objective views here, as I don't know if I'm being too harsh.

I had a telephone counselling assessment last week. I was on a long waiting list for the counselling and I'm loathe to give it up easily but I feel quite uncomfortable with something the counsellor said.
Bit of backstory - I looked for this counselling when I found out someone close to me is an active addict (drugs).
I wanted counselling to try help me identify and put strategies in place to deal with my own reactions to this person.
The counsellor asked me how I felt about the drug use, and I truthfully said I find it utterly disgusting, and from an ethical and moral perspective I can't condone it (i.e my issue with the person is not just about the deceit involved)

He kind of jumped on this and asked me was I not being a bit harsh - that some people would view eating meat as equally morally suspect. He also informed me that he works part-time in a drug outreach programme.
I just feel now that he is not objective and is more on the side of the addict if that makes sense.

I know I'm not going to feel comfortable attending counselling with him, but I'm not sure if I should tell him the reason why?
Like I said I don't know if I'm being too harsh, but I'm thinking that he'd asked me how I felt about drug use and how it has affected me, and the last thing I needed was to be told I'm being too harsh on the person close to me who has caused me so much pain.

For full disclosure, this person is going into residential rehab shortly, and I will be involved in the process there.
I just wanted an impartial space to discuss how the drug use has affected me too.

Apologies for rambling thread, hope it makes sense.
Thanks

Thank you Sarah for your insight, I appreciate it. And also to all of you who have contributed to the thread.
Always good to hear different opinions. My attempt to be vague in my OP for privacy reasons may have backfired!
Really what I wanted from this counselling was to work out whether I can continue to have contact with the addict. I know I'm incredibly angry, i don't want to feel like this. But I've kept all my feelings in for so long in an attempt to support them that I just can't cope anymore.

OP you might find that doing some work around co dependence may help. Take a look at Co dependence No More by Melody Beattie, Co Dependence for Dummies and the CoDa website for info on groups. You may also find something like Nar-Anon helpful. That's the drug equivalent of Al Anon for alcohol.

You have every right to your feelings OP. You have every reason to feel anger, frustration, disgust, helplessness, powerlessness and all the other feelings in between. Sounds like you've been through a tough time and are still there, trying to support someone.

Totally agree with you!!! How dare he equate eating meat to taking drugs. Don't know any carnivores who leave their kids in filth and hunger so they can get their next beef pie fix!!

He's hardly impartial is he?

I too think it's disgusting behaviour that some drug addicts steal off the people that love them, neglect their children etc etc.

But I can also empathise and feel sorry for them being in that position, still doesn't change my opinion that it's disgusting behaviour.

I personally couldn't have him as a counsellor, maybe you'd be better with a female one. He sounds like mansplaining dickhead.

Thanks username105 I will look those up. As far as I know there will be a group similar to Nar-Anon that I can attend when the person goes to rehab. So will see if that helps.

GreyShadow I think a female therapist would be a better fit for me as well. I have too many boundary issues with men to really open up to one.

I was due to have the first session today - was shaking with anxiety when the phone rang.
I told him that I was really uncomfortable with how the assessment went last week and how it made me feel. He apologised and thanked me for my honesty and acknowledged how it could have come across. (I still cannot fathom how a trained counsellor could make that comparison tbh!)

He was keen to continue the sessions and mentioned that he didn't want it to be a failure, but I stood my ground and I feel much better for it.
He'll put me on a different list so hopefully I won't have to wait too long.

I hope I've given him food for thought about his approach. When I mentioned that I didn't feel it was the right time to challenge my thinking like that in an assessment session, he started saying that he wouldn't expect his clients to trust him after a just a few sessions and it's just important to be honest. I found that strange, why would you not want to build trust in a therapeutic relationship? How does anyone open up if they don't feel comfortable with the person they're talking to?
Thinking back as well, he had stopped me talking about another thing (which he'd asked me), citing lack of time and it being an assessment where he had to fill in forms etc while I was speaking. I think that really threw me as well, that he jumped in to keep that conversation thread going when he'd shut one down a few moments before.

Apologies for not naming posters before - was on my phone. Much easier on the laptop!

OP you have personally suffered an awful lot from being involved with this addict over it seems a v long time.

Nothing you have done has helped to date - because nothing anyone does (especially the enabler which you inadvertently are) ever helps.

It is 100% down to the addict.

So why are you still involved?

Why are you putting yourself through this?

The emotional trauma and drama can be just as an addictive dynamic between the codependent and the addict as the substance. Your deeply emotive language about the addict and the counsellor indicate that you are whipped up in this frenzy and emotionally have lost perspective.

You mentioned you have have had lots of therapy and issues with boundaries. I would look back to yourself and your own healing - read Melody Beattie etc as PP have mentioned.

Detach with love, get off this merry-go-round and out of this toxic drama triangle (where you are flipping between being the rescuer, victim or persecutor) and instead focus your finite emotional energy, time and headspace on addressing your own unresolved issues. You sound emotionally reactive, exhausted, preoccupied and contemptuous - that’s no way to live.

Wow OP well done for standing your ground! I feel proud for you!!!

ssslou I know it's no way to live - that was the reason for me seeking counselling as I couldn't cope anymore. Me taking the stance I have has meant the addict is going into residential rehab for the first time after trying for many years to deal with it alone. I don't know if they've hit that "rock bottom" but whatever the outcome is for them, I want to productively use the time that they're away for myself because I refuse to live the way I have been any longer. I am trying!

Thank you GreyShadow I'm proud of myself too, for a change

Me taking the stance I have has meant the addict is going into residential rehab for the first time

What stance have you taken @MyNewName4This?

It’s common for counsellors involved in substance abuse programs to be people in long term recovery from substance abuse themselves (although, obviously, it doesn’t apply to everyone). An experienced counsellor worth their salt would know how to keep their own history under control and be able to empathise that those close to addicts go through a hideous time and will naturally have very strong feelings and reactions that need working through.

Your original post sounded like you hit a bit of a personal raw nerve with the counsellor that they failed to deal with and it made me wonder if they had a history.

Whilst it’s great you’re getting help and important to be open to being challenged, it sounds as though you’re right to hang on for a different counsellor. I imagine you have a lot of frustration to vent your way through before you can move to the being challenged phase.

Hope you find some good help from a counsellor who can really work through this with you and gently move you towards a point of detachment.

Honestly sssloou it's not really relevant here and I don't want to delve into it.
I only mentioned it to illustrate that to me I'm not just passively sitting on the toxic merry-go-round you described- I'm trying to change my life.

That was my thoughts too Fit rightly or wrongly. My feeling was he is inexperienced with counselling outside of the addiction space.
Anyway I made my point and got the outcome for myself I wanted so I'm content with that.
Thanks everyone for your comments and insights.