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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me get over this crush please

21 replies

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 11:58

You know how it is when you just get feelings for someone. I literally have spent the last two weeks obsessed with a guy I don't really know. But he's been flirty with me. talking to me. He's complimented me to someone else. But he's just not gone any further Into it.

Mean while I've become obsessed with him. Thinking of him every hour of the day. Trying to find him on social media with no sucess. Making myself look pretty every morning incase I see him.

I don't know when or if I'll see him again. He is only temporarily working near me. He's possibly going to be back a few more times. But I don't know for sure.

I have children. I think he possibly has a son. There's a million reasons why its far too indulgent to even consider going down that road.

I want to forget about it. Its making me really unproductive. I dream about him. I constantly hope be will find me on Facebook. I know he's not likely going to slip his number Into my hand because he's with his colleagues. I know I'm going to feel abit flat because he's put me on a high for the last two weeks. But I need to get back in the real world.

So how do I do that? How do I forget him?
How do I take my mind of it. I can't even watch Tele for long because my mind's always on him.

Feel abit cringe writing this. But he really has got my attention and this is probably the first time this has happened in my adult life.

OP posts:
AramintaLee · 24/09/2020 12:05

Are either of you married? If not, I don't see an issue in pursuing a crush. Maybe ask him to meet for a socially distanced coffee?

Obsessing is never healthy though. Try and find distractions!

QuentinWinters · 24/09/2020 12:08

Google "limerence" or search for it on here.
Word of caution tho - I persuaded myself the strong attraction I had to a work colleague was limerence (both married, nothing untoward happened, I distanced myself).

After both of us separated from partners it turned out it was in fact a) mutual and b) love

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 12:15

I don't know anything about him really. Just like him from our conversations and stuff.
So I don't know if he's single.

He's always with aload of men so I can't really get too close. But he purposely comes closer. Loads of eye contact. Smiles. But he seems nervous?

Me and my kids dad have kind of got to a friendship point and I think we are ready to go out own separate ways.

This is a reason I feel I'm not entitled to this crush anyway.

I really really feel something and I know he does too. I have never had this vibe from any other man before. It's like I can really read what he wants me to know.

Oh god I need to stop!

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 24/09/2020 12:16

I'm no help. I'm obsessed with someone too. It will never work. He lives miles away, is 9 years younger than me, I have 3 kids but I can't stop thinking about him. He looks like the guy who plays Lucifer 🥺. I honestly think I'm in love

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 12:22

@thecatsarecrazy

Oh no. Does he like you? How long has this been for?

It's literally making all my emotions come out. I'm up and down. When I see him I'm buzzing all day. But I haven't seen him since Monday and I'm like a pining puppy.

It actually hurts. I thought these years were behind me!

OP posts:
seensome · 24/09/2020 12:24

Not much you can do, when you stop seeing him around you will gradually forget him. Shame you couldn't find him on sm to contact when your single.

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 12:28

I know. I thought if he's too nervous to give me his number then at least on Facebook it would be lighter.

I guess your right itl be a gradual thing. Just so hard to feel so close to something good and then realise it's slipping away.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 24/09/2020 12:30

Enjoy your crush for what it is but if he has a child then he's got baggage and if he has been giving you little signals then it's probably because you have been giving him them if that makes sense ?

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 12:36

Ive also got children. His son looks older like young teenager age. I don't class children as baggage. But yes I don't know the ins and outs of his personal life.

OP posts:
Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 12:37

P.s yes I have given back the same, eye contact, smiles, conversation. I am trying to let him know he's nice.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 24/09/2020 12:39

By baggage I did not mean his children :(

Greeneyes78 · 24/09/2020 15:41

i also have a crush and as i was reading your opening but he text me, a sign?? i’m joking!

be brave op!

QuentinWinters · 24/09/2020 16:01

P.s yes I have given back the same, eye contact, smiles, conversation. I am trying to let him know he's nice.
You need to sort things out with your current partner before letting this man know you think he's nice. Unless you are the type who is OK with affairs.

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 16:46

Don't agree with affairs no. Can't help having feelings though.

I'm trying to be brave @Greeneyes78
But I'm so gloomy that I've not seen him today. Lucky you getting a text 😂 I want one Grin

OP posts:
QuentinWinters · 24/09/2020 16:57

Yes I agree about feelings. But trying to communicate those feelings to him is dangerous ground.
I bet this is actually a wake up call about your current relationship.

Ivysaurusrex · 24/09/2020 17:09

I have this problem to but after googling limerence now realize it's probably that and I'm gonna distance myself from him. I feel your pain

user1471457751 · 24/09/2020 17:17

Don't you think you should actually finish your relationship first, not just be 'on the way out?

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 17:56

I don't relate to the limerance thing. This is definitely just a crush.

Ofcourse I should be focused on sorting my relationship. But I've not slept with him for over a year. We sleep seperately and we don't go out on dates or anything. So it feels like I'm not in a relationship. That's why my mind is wondering around. I suppose it's nice to feel noticed. I am curious about getting to know him and curious whether we could be really happy in each others company.

I'm sure in a months time I'll be over it. But right now it's abit crushing. Because I can't contact him or ask him anything about what I want to know. But I'm going to try and forget it. Although today just feels empty without seeing him. But that's because there's no buzz there. I saw him everyday last week and it gave me a high. I know it sounds sad.

OP posts:
teelizzy · 24/09/2020 18:14

OP be very, very careful......

I'd add that this board is in many ways a wonderful supportive place which is not afraid of tough love. Meaning that not all responses to your post will be positive or necessarily what you'd like to hear, but might be what you need to hear.

I'm married and love my husband very very much. I've also experienced some intense crushes and come here for a dose of cold water over the head when I need reminding which way up things need to be.

From what you say, it sounds like you do need to think hard about whether you want to continue in your current relationship. Only you know that.

toiletpaper · 24/09/2020 18:21

I had a massive crush, or was in limerance as I've now found out, with a dad at my kids school a while ago. He has the same interests as me, he messaged me to say thanks for inviting his daughter to my DD's party a few years ago and we spoke a bit and he seemed really nice. Obviously nothing happened and I didn't want it to as he was married and I was with my now ex but I still see him round my village every now and then and get all excited when I see him but looking back I think it was just a projection of what was missing in my relationship with kids' dad. Maybe you're just craving a new relationship and by the sounds of you and your husband it's time to separate.

Easilyfallen · 24/09/2020 19:17

I know exactly what you mean. I wake up in the night feeling so guilty. Its like my mind clears in the night and reality hits home. I think a year ago I was so much happier. I miss being able to make plans with my children without all this new way of things. I have been home way more than I should be and it is getting me down. I think deep down I do feel empty right now. It helps to talk on here as family can't handle these conversations. It's too complex for them.

I suppose I just feel like selfishly if we get talking/texting. I might feel alive again. I might feel excited again. The idea of meeting up with him and just talking and feeling a connection with someone new could be exactly what I need (again selfishly)

He's been a very welcome distraction and one good thing is he's made me put more effort in again. I've been out walking more and making myself look prettier.

I'm not sure how I can get any level of happy normality back at the moment. So limited with money due to corona. I hate the rules and constant threat of fines and cases rising. I'm just probably mentally exhausted with 2020.

I do need to get back into reality but everything seems so mundane and boring. I love my kids. But as an adult I just don't know how to be happy anymore.

I just need to muddle through a few more days then hopefully I'll be over it.

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