Sex in your 50s

[Hurryupharry]

I have been seeing a guy for a while, coming up to a year with a gap for various reasons including lockdown . He's 55, I am 53. I think we have mismatched sex drives. I love sex and intimacy. We do have sex most weeks when we see each other although he struggles to climax. I feel it's more often me that initiates sex and it's making me feel like I am pestering him. My friend who is in her early 40s seems to think that by 55 most men's sex drive is diminishing and I am expecting too much. I have dated a fair bit in the last few years and encountered some men in their 50s with ED but others who had a high sex drive.
Just wondering if I am expecting too much?

You'll know from other people on MN that mismatched sex drives is a big problem in relationships. Even when one partner is fantastically accommodating, then there can be feeling that it's very one sided (like you say about feeling pestering him).

Again, I've seen from MN posts of the years that a lot of women are not happy when a man can't climax.

I guess men feel the same way? Would they like to be in a long term relationship with a woman who can't climax?

From my limited experience, for sure libido does decrease with age. If that's happening for both partners then great, but if not ....

I hate to say it but this is a recipe for disaster. Unless the couple is willing to compromise then someone is going to end up resentful.

I have a low sex drive and the guy I’m seeing has a higher one and I admit that I do feel like he’s pestering me and like it’s a chore most of the time. I have never initiated. However he doesn’t mind that I don’t as he doesn’t see it as me seeing him as undesirable or anything.

And as a guy gets older his drive goes down so keep that in mind since he’s already in his 50s.

Thanks both. I like the guy very much. He's brought a lot of fun and laughter into my life. It may be that if we saw each other more often there might be less pressure on the once a week date being ' the night' ( for intimacy ) I often feel very sympathetic to those on the thread who are in relationships where they are on a different page regarding intimacy ( but feeling they have to stay together for a variety of reasons )

I should be married to your partner we’d live happily ever after.. I’m your age, my testosterone levels are zero and I’d be happy never having sex again. Not fair on my dh though so I make the effort.

Sex is important to you but if he makes you laugh and ticks other boxes I would be too quick to let him go. There’s a lot to be said for companionship.