Why can't I just leave him!??

[drained16]

So I've been with my partner 4 years! I've known him since I was 14, always been in love with him but we got together four years ago.( in our late 20s now)

So obviously when we first got together everything was great. Then the lying started, he'd lie about being on a night out, he wouldn't answer my calls or texts the whole time he was out. Anyway that led to arguments and we split up for about 2 months. He came crawling back and I got pregnant. Gave birth March 2019.
When our son was 5 months I found texts between him and a girl he works with. Anyway turned out he was cheating on me.

I threw him out all that stuff but I ended up getting back with him. Our son is now 18 months. And the lying is still going on. He's still lying about where he goes on nights out, who he's with. He's given girls his number and just recently a text popped up on his phone and his whole attitude changed.

He was literally shaking he wouldn't tell me who it was. I was asking and asking, as I knew it would be a girl. He ended up telling me and it was a girl he worked with sending him a video of her eating Chinese food 🙄! So he's told me they aren't close they aren't friend. They maybe say hi every now and again. The girl who sent him the video, he's lied about her in the past. So he's been on nights out with work and lied about her being there. He also didn't come home with his jacket once so I asked where it was? Thinking he's maybe lost it? He told me he left it in work; anyway I seen a text saying has this girl brought his jacket back into work? ( the same girl who sent the video) so I said there was no need to lie to me just tell me the truth.

Anyway, this may sound petty and silly but he's always banging on about how I should trust him for this relationship to work but how can I when he's still lying to me?!

I can't leave, I know I need to but I just cannot leave him. I do love him so much and I can't bare to live without him. If this was one of my friends and her man was treating her this way I'd tell her to leave so why can I do it myself?

Leaving someone isn't clean cut. Disney teaches us that people are either "good" or "bad" but the reality is everyone is both.

I bet there's many things he does that makes him the "good guy" and they're the reason you love him.

And also, leaving someone is exhausting. It's scary and turns all of your knowns in life to unknowns.

If you're not ready to leave him yet then maybe it's not the right time for you. Maybe in a month, a year , you'll feel differently but you don't have to knee jerk respond.

Having been cheated on twice here's what I learnt: you'll never ever really know what's gone on in an affair and you kind of have to learn to live with that. Also, a person can be very convincing about not having an affair even if all of the evidence suggests otherwise. Go with your gut.

I always think it sucks that you're the one who gets cheated on then you have the hard job of also having to untangle the relationship.

In a nutshell; It's ok to want to leave someone and not want to leave someone. If you're not ready to call which way you want to go, wait it out until you are.

It doesn’t matter why he lies (to be honest it’s because he doesn’t live or respect you)

A liar will never tell you the truth, they weave a web.

How can you love someone who treats you like this? He says jump, you say how high

Work on your self esteem. And get yourself checked

Firstly, he's a liar, you'll never be able to believe a liar.
Secondly, you WILL be able to live without him. He's conditioned you to believe you can't do any better, you can.
Thirdly, you have a son, what sort of role model are you setting for him? A father who is a cheating lying waster and a downtrodden mum who takes all his father's shite.

Wake up OP seriously he's making a complete arse of you and you're taking it. You deserve so much more x

This is your while future stretching ahead for years and years as your youth slips away... But you haven't accepted that yet, you still have hope, deep loyalty and love, these are not things which can be switched off like a tap. His behaviour will slowly erode them, and how long it takes depends on how quickly it becomes apparent to you that this is who he is and it won't change. It isn't easy, life isn't black and white, your child will make you want to give it every chance.
It is so sad he is treating something so precious with disrespect. ☹️