How do I know if I am Asexual or Demisexual?

[Riya208]

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS A RIGHT PLACE TO ASK THIS QUESTION. BUT I AM CONFUSED AND I NEED HELP FROM ALL OF YOU.

Hello all,

I am a 27 years old Virgin. I come from India. I am in a relationship with a guy and I love him a lot. But we have some tension between us when it comes to physical. I am well aware of what asexual and demisexual are, but I can't really understand if the issue is because of my sexual orientation (which IDK yet) or is it because of religious reasons, or is it because of the fear (in India sex before marriage is a Taboo). The problem is my boyfriend loves doing sexual activities (and he wants to have sex with me), whereas I am rarely into it.

1. We have kissed (and I love it)
2. We have engaged in sexual activities (not sex), I do enjoy them, but as I said, I am rarely into it
3. Sometimes when we do sexual activities, I get bored and feel like let's end this or I am sleepy
4. I masturbate
5. I do feel horny and imagine having sex with him
6. I don't know if I am sexually attracted to him yet.

Because of my rare interest, we have a little tension. We have addressed this issue, but the problem is I, myself, don't know if I am asexual or demisexual. I don't know from whom to seek help.

How do I know if I am asexual or demisexual? How can I seek help or know am sexual orientation? I don't want to lose him.

I don't have any advice re your boyfriend but as for your question, does it matter?

Does it actually need a label?

How/why would a label change the relationship you have with him? Or validate it?

I think you are leaping to a conclusion that YOU have a problem (Masturbation doesn’t sound asexual) but it could be the circumstances or the man. You might simply not fancy him, despite being into him in other ways. He might not have very good technique (not in a blamey way but lots of men don‘t). To be honest, having satisfying sex often takes practice. I’ve been bored plenty of times in the past, I’ve not known how to express what I want, even to myself. It took me years to be with a person where it worked, and who I fancied and loved. Try to see this as the start of a journey

You need to see a counsellor to work out if it's fear/relegion holding you back or if it is that you don't want to have sex with him. What you call your sexuality doesn't change who you are, so Id focus on working out if it's something you can work on or something you can't. If it's fear/relegion based you could either work through that with a psychologist or tell him you can't have sex before marriage and see how he feels. If it's that you don't actually want to have sex with him and will never want to then you need to tell him and break up. Either way if you can afford it I think seeing a counsellor can help you work out what you're really feeling.

I'm not much older than you but back in the day, it was normal to have sex with people you loved. It's okay to not feel ready to have sex yet. Don't let him decide for you. Spend more time getting to know one another beforehand.

Sounds like you just aren't that into him.

I doubt it is a problem with your sexuality.

Google AVEN. It is the educational site for ACE people. You will be able to join the forum and ask your questions there.