How to balance mum's time/expectations!

[MumChats]

Just wondering if anyone can help me out in trying to work out how to balance my mum's expectations a bit about seeing her grandchild. She's absolutely lovely and she's really excited about my first baby due in a few months. We live a 3-hour drive away, and she struggles with that as she is not a confident driver. She's started making quite a few references to how lovely it will be when i am on maternity leave and she can see me all the time - she means at her house. Which is really kind of her and it's lovely that she's so excited but i feel a bit uncomfortable about DP, and that it will be a bit sad for him if me and the baby keep going to stay at my mum's, leaving him at home on his own. He won't be able to come because of work (he can't WFH).

I'm not really sure what to do - i don't want to hurt her feelings by telling her in advance that i think she's being unrealistic, but i also don't want to let her keep assuming i'll stay over all the time on mat leave and then it be an unpleasant surprise when the baby comes and i don't visit so much.

Added complication is that she is on her own since my dad died a few years ago, i know that she is lonely and i already feel guilty for being so far away and not seeing her often enough. Seeing me and her grandchild often would bring her so much joy, but i feel a bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. I either disappoint her by not visiting much or DP by leaving him alone! What would you do?

Yes and what you're not spending on petrol money for the 6 hour return drive can go towards taxi costs as well since she's taking on the travel aspects.
She has probably forgotten how exhausting it is to be a new DM and hasn't factored that into her considerations along with newborn traveling time in the car seat.

The other thing to consider is that a long drive can really mess up a sleep schedule as babies tend to sleep in the car.

There's no way I would have been willing/able to drive 3 hours by myself with my baby.

1. I was completely sleep-deprived, and it would have been quite dangerous.
2. It's not safe for baby to be in their car seat that long, although I guess you could break it up in a service station.
3. If my baby had started to cry on the motorway, or cough up milk (which mine did frequently), I would have been in a real state until I was able to pull over. I wouldn't have minded being a passenger with my baby, but it was strictly short journeys only when I was by myself.

Sadly she's just not being realistic. Babies can't travel for that long, and certainly not calmly! Some babies hate the car - mine did, and every journey took double the time. Especially on your own if DP isn't coming.

Of course you'll make it when you can but if she wants to see more of you she'll have to come to you. Hope she can get support in feeling calmer about the drive perhaps. But honestly sometimes I think grandparents just have mind blank of what babies are like!

As a newborn they can't travel in car seats for long.
At a few months old that time would have meant a couple of feeds, a nap, some poos, etc.
6m+ it would have meant they get bored and want to roam!
Toddler.... actually manageable if glued to iPad so still not ideal!

3 hours for her could be 6 hours for you. And I don't think the sleepless nights counts for much when you're being expected to drive also likely sleep deprived and with a baby on your own...

Maybe I'm scarred but I think nip it in the bud. Expecting baby number 2 and have already told family we don't really plan to travel much, we pushed ourselves before and always ended up the other end stressed and frazzled with a cranky baby. Much nicer if you can host!