Sister breaking my trust

[Peanutbutterjelly10]

I've recently told my sister that i'm bisexual. To me this was a big deal and i was not ready to tell my parents yet. I had gone on a date recently and i decided to let my parents know because i do like this woman. My parents were great about it.
I then receive a message from my sister saying please don't be angry with me, i told our parents a few weeks ago. She said she felt bad because i was nervous to tell them and i had said i don't know if they will take it well. And if it came from her then maybe they could get their heads around it first.
I know she wasn't being spiteful but it was my place to tell them and not hers. I feel like shes broken my trust and if i can't trust her with something big like that, then i don't feel i can trust her at all. The thing is when my sister asks me not to tell anyone anything say shes, i don't. Because i respect her wishes. She clearly doesn't respect mine. Feeling hurt.

Lesson learnt. Don't tell her ANYTHING ever again, and don't listen to her private secrets anymore either. Just tell her you don't want to hear it.

@Peanutbutterjelly10

I've recently told my sister that i'm bisexual. To me this was a big deal and i was not ready to tell my parents yet. I had gone on a date recently and i decided to let my parents know because i do like this woman. My parents were great about it. I then receive a message from my sister saying please don't be angry with me, i told our parents a few weeks ago. She said she felt bad because i was nervous to tell them and i had said i don't know if they will take it well. And if it came from her then maybe they could get their heads around it first. I know she wasn't being spiteful but it was my place to tell them and not hers. I feel like shes broken my trust and if i can't trust her with something big like that, then i don't feel i can trust her at all. The thing is when my sister asks me not to tell anyone anything say shes, i don't. Because i respect her wishes. She clearly doesn't respect mine. Feeling hurt.

I think she did it with good intentions but perhaps either talk to her about how you feel or be selective in what you say to her.

Jeez! What a cow! Make sure she knows how out of order her behaviour was. I would kill my sibling if they let me down like that

How utterly patronising.

I would be furious, not just because she broke your trust, but the sheer nerve of it... that she should be the one to take charge of this and sort everyone out.

Probably not helpful but I'd be telling her that, letting her know that it was the last time I'd be confiding in her as she clearly isn't capable of being trusted, and making a mental note to feel perfectly free to absolutely not prioritise her confidence in any way in the future.

This all depends on the type of person you are and how forgiving you are.

Loyalty and trust are big things for me.
I have never broken a confidence and never would.
I am very private so for me if a trust was broken that would be it, irrespective of the intention.
She thought she knew better than you with your private information, which is the core issue....that would piss me off.
I wouldn't fall out over it but honestly I would end up self censor what I said to her.

I find once I hear a person break a confidence of someone else's to me....they don't hear a thing of importance from me again!

Yes, it was definitely your place to tell your parents and your sister was out of order to tell them. I would also wonder why, after you told your parents, she then made a point of telling you that she had told them first?

@Kanaloa

Yes, it was definitely your place to tell your parents and your sister was out of order to tell them. I would also wonder why, after you told your parents, she then made a point of telling you that she had told them first?

Because she's clearly an up her own bum little busybody!

Yes it just seems like she’s stuck herself in trouble rather than, after hearing it had all gone well anyway, keeping quiet about it. Made me wonder if there was any chance she told op on purpose to try and upset her for any reason.

I think she did it with good intentions

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Never truer.

Yes I definitely will not be telling her anything from now on. The more I think about it the more upsetting it is.
Part of me thinks she had good intentions. Part of me now feels was this to paint me in a bad light to my parents so to look like the good daughter to my parents. Tbh from past experiences it wouldn't surprise me.

It was not her place to say anything, I would think twice before confiding in her again op.

Part of me now feels was this to paint me in a bad light to my parents so to look like the good daughter to my parents. Tbh from past experiences it wouldn't surprise me.

Often our most uncomfortable feelings are the truth.

Remember this. It fits with a slightly toxic family dynamic.

It could be malicious and manipulative.

It’s definitely controlling - she unilaterally decided how to manage YOUR news to YOUR parents. Why? No boundaries?

Maybe she then told you that she had told them (because she could have kept quiet) is because she was actually piqued that your parents took it well?

Does she need to put others down to elevate herself?

You can’t trust her. I would be wary and slowly emotional reverse / detach in your head.

I hope that your date went well and well done for talking to your parents.

@sssloou I know my family is toxic. I've had/am having counselling for it.
Should have known better really to trust my sister. I don't know just sad that I can't even trust my own family.