I thought I'd post an update as a new thread since my original thread is hard to find. Here it is: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3967076-The-First-Step
After telling him Labor Day weekend that I couldn't do this anymore, he sent me an email the 5 days later detailing expenses I had contributed towards HIS wants (new Tesla, 2 acre lot) minus my portion of taxes he paid for a total of $15K he owed me.
He knows that thanks to him keeping me in limbo for the last 6 months, I've spent MUCH more than that outfitting the new house. For him. That he's been living alone in since April. While I stayed here with a folding chair and patio table in the living room, and my bed. I gave everything else away, because he didn't like it and didn't want it at the new house.
I feel like the proverbial frog in a pot of water.
Plus, I'm still paying on the new washer/dryer at the new house. Sadly, it's only in my name.
I wrote back that I'd check his numbers against mine and get back to him, but not to write a check until we agreed on the number.
2 days later, he texted to say that he's coming into the area to drop off his bike at the shop, drop off some of my stuff and pick up the rest of his stuff. Great! And I even helped! I don't think he was expecting me to be so happy and carefree.
Then we sat down on the steps and I told him that because I hadn't had time to be my normally frugal self and save up, I only wanted enough money to be ok for the rest of the year. So I gave him the number $20K and I'd sign away my portion of the $500K house. He agreed, and I got a little emotional, and he started rubbing my back. I told him to stop several times and he also tried to hug me when he left. I pulled away but...ugh.
2 hours after he left, I started to feel better, and I texted him asking when he was planning to pick up his bike. He had left it in my backyard, saying that he was getting his oil changed and couldn't with his bike on the roof rack (why he couldn't take it off there, I don't know). And then I remembered that the bike shop was closed on Sundays.
Then it hit me. He did it on purpose to get ME to take his bike in FOR him, so he could have it back by the next weekend, when I had planned to pick up my stuff at the house.
Sure enough, he asked me the next day if I could take it in for him. I said I wouldn't be out that way until Thursday. Then he said he'd get one of the bike mechanics to pick it up for him. During the same text communication, he also said, "I really care about you and want you to be well and happy." "You can always come back for the "D" " meaning a booty call. So fucking inappropriate. I just said, "No thanks."
Thursday comes and he texts with pictures of some of my stuff stacked neatly in his garage, saying he wanted to help me out. Great! Thanks! And then he said that the shop had JUST emailed him (riiiight) saying his bike was ready and would I pick it up and bring it with me, pretty please? Nope - I'm not bringing my car. "Oh, I thought maybe you could bring it in the UHaul?" Nope, picking it up there in town. 1 way trip.
The best part is the day before he texted my best friend saying, "IdowhatIwantnow isn't well mentally. I don't know if you haven't talked to her recently. The evil "IdowhatIwant" has come out and I'm in fear of her again."
O.M.G. Textbook gaslighting.
I know he's reacting poorly to his loss of control over me. That's all this is. I'm not letting him bully me anymore.
He locked himself in his office the whole time we (2 of my friends and I) loaded the UHaul, and a friend of his hung out in the kitchen. When I walked in and saw his friend, I asked if he was exH's bodyguard. lol Because I am to be feared, obviously.
2 hours later, we were done and pulling away when exH ran out with papers, a pen, and his wallet in his hands. He had printed out 5 pages of documents (unofficial, just stuff he created) and wanted me to sign them, and then he'd write me a check. I told him I wasn't signing anything and that because of his antics the last few days, everything we had agreed upon was now off the table. I also told him that I would reach out some time this week, when I am ready and for him NOT to contact me or my friends.
And that's pretty much where I am right now. I'm refurnishing my home with freebies off Craigslist, I have my kitties back, and I'm loving every bit of my freedom!!! I even rode my bike outside for the first time in a year!!! (I just complied to him because it was easier than dealing with the fallout of the anxiety it caused.) Looking back, I can't think of anything that didn't cause him anxiety. And yet, he says I caused all this and it's all my fault.
Sadly, we have lots of mutual friends, and he has worked very hard to create a perfect image of himself, so I suspect I'm going to lose many of them.
But the happiness, joy, and relief I feel is worth it!!! I have so much time now to do the things that make me happy, now that I'm not running his errands and cooking and serving him his meals. 