Relationship Anxiety

[Ruby0707]

Does anyone have experience of this?

I have been seeing a lovely man for nearly a year now (after 6 years single due to several hurtful relationships previously, cheating etc.)

Things were going great but I am suddenly experienced a lot of anxiety around the relationship. I'm not sure if I'm scared of getting hurt or maybe this means he isn't the one for me??

Any insight would be really helpful, feel like I'm going mad!

Can you pin point the anxiety? Is it because it is getting more serious or is he pulling back because it is getting into a groove?

It started when things started getting more serious, we talked about moving in together.

He is not pulling back, he's really into this.

I'm really confused.

I think its because its now going forward you are questioning if it is right. Thats not a bad thing at all, just take your time to think clearly that this it the right path for you at the right time. Its very scary taking the plunge after such a long time being single and previous hurts. Remember he is not the man or men who hurt you before, he sounds like he is a very committed person. Good luck.

I want it to work and move forward but it really scares me. I am questioning if it's right but I can't give a valid reason why it is wrong.

The thought of splitting up fills me with dread but I also can't go on like this, I am constantly anxious.

I have had anxiety issues in the past and I have booked in to talk to a counsellor. Hopefully that will help me figure it out.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and if it is normal / what it means.

@Ruby0707

I want it to work and move forward but it really scares me. I am questioning if it's right but I can't give a valid reason why it is wrong.

The thought of splitting up fills me with dread but I also can't go on like this, I am constantly anxious.

I have had anxiety issues in the past and I have booked in to talk to a counsellor. Hopefully that will help me figure it out.

Just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and if it is normal / what it means.

The counselling for anxiety issues in general would be a good thing.

Either way, you definitely want to be still in the relationship but the thoughts of going forward are causing anxiety, yes? I totally get that as I'm in the same situation. I've been with my BF for nearly a year and he often brings up 'the future'. I'm nearly 50 and he is early 50's - I'm not sure how old you are, but either way being 'the one' shouldn't be something you get too hung up about. Nobody is going to be 'the one' because many of us have had a few 'the ones' in our lives. People change as they grow older and this can/does affect relationships. It's why many marriages of 20/30 years seem to go to shit because those people who got together at University etc are now quite different people. Some are able to grow and develop together, which is fantastic...but lots don't.

The focus should be on whether this person is ticking all your boxes right now and are on the same page as you. If that's the case... great, you enjoy The Now. We had a conversation recently (whilst away on holiday) and he brought up the future again. I've made it quite clear that I do want our relationship to go forward with the aim to eventually live together/marry/civil partnership etc, but it definitely won't be for another year or so before we start padding out those plans.

He knows exactly my feelings on it and I know his. I've rushed in relationships before and paid the price for it. But the anxiety is still pops up about the future because it's getting my head around the logistics (we are in a LDR) as we will have to move. It's definitely normal to be anxious, but don't let it hinder your relationship if it is good and there is nothing else to be anxious about.

@PinkMonkeyBirdPinkMonkeyBird

I'm not sure if the anxiety is stemming from thoughts of going forward or if this anxiety is trying to tell me that I don't want to be in the relationship or that we are not right for each other.

We have been having a great time though before this anxiety started so it doesn't make sense. On paper, he is the kind of man I didn't think existed so am I sabotaging this because I'm scared? I just don't know and it's all very confusing. I can't make sense of my thoughts.

We did go from 0 to 100 over lockdown as I have essentially been living at his but it was only supposed to be temporary and it was when we talked about making it permanent that this started. Similar to you, we live 70 miles apart so would mean a big change.

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