Someone tell me I'm doing the right thing

[GRIC14]

I'll try and keep this as short as I can. I've done previous posts but NC and will put it all in 1.

So I met a guy 4 years ago.. Amazing..ivw done more with him than I have in my last 20 years of dating. After around a year we had the moving in together chat. He was happy and excited and the plan was for him to move my way. We have a 45 min commute as we are.
After a while he decided he wasn't willing to move my way.. The convo fell flat, I was gutted.
Fast forwarding and I broach and say the only alternative was me to move his way. Something I'm not adverse to but requires a lot more work than it would him in a way.
And on its gone. Nothing from him in terms of moving things on. When I broach it turns into him bring up reasons and what I feel are excuses. I get upset, we fall out. The majority of our relationship is great aside from this.
So queue this weekend and it all kicks off again. He says hes really happy for me to move his way.. That he can think of nothing better.. But then comes the 'we can't afford to buy a house' 'what about your job' 'what about x, y & z' of course he's being sensible but? I'm a big girl, I know how a house move works and am willing to put the work in.. I don't feel he is (as much as he says he is)

SO..I call his bluff and tell him we need to start looking at property's (incidentally he's said it has to be in a literal area) and lo and behold of course we can't afford a house. There was going to be help from his family (as far as I'm aware still OK) but realistically it's not going to work.

I feel so sad that I have to walk away from a person I love and thought I'd grow old with because of no compromise.. And I know that's what you'll all tell me.. Its all me doing the work😔
Obviously there's more to it but I'm exhausted by it all.

I'm so sorry he couldn't give you a straight answer. It sounds like you've tried to broach the subject a number of times and that he has just been evasive.

It's time to leave. Know your worth - you deserves someone who listens to and respects you. Even if he was worried about moving in/commitment he could at least be open and honest with you or try to come to some kind of compromise. As it is, he just keeps you hanging on. You deserve better.

I think because we are longish distance

A 45 minute commute isn't longish distance!! and he complains that the commute should be enough so he doesn't contribute towards food

Actions speak louder than words. It’s been 4 years ffs!

It’s very clear that he doesn’t want to move in with you (despite what he says), so why are you still pushing for it? Why are you wilfully ignoring the fact that this man is stringing you along and that he prefers the current set up (despite what he says).

The balls in your court, accept that he’s stringing you along or stop prioritising a relationship with someone who isn’t man enough to be honest with you. Only you can decide to get off the push/ pull merry go round.

I agree with PP’s, you need to get yourself off the hamster wheel.

I would not waste another day in this relationship as this man’s actions have made it abundantly clear he doesn’t want a future with you and that’s what you should be looking at. He’s a future faker and is stringing you along until someone better comes along. If you hang around till then, you will be far more hurt when the time comes. Better for your self esteem to take control of your life now and call him out on his feeble efforts and walk away on your terms.

You can bet your bottom dollar this man is not sitting around handwringing over the relationship like you are (for years..!).

Dig deep and find your inner outrage!