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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Love triangle?

5 replies

Lilac100 · 22/09/2020 05:35

We’re a female couple and have been married for 7 years. We have been together for well over 10. For about a year now we have lived in different countries because of work. Covid made the long distance relationship even more difficult with travel restrictions.
Over the last months a friend of my wife has become more and more present in her life: dinners, days out, almost weekly sleepovers and regular days spent working together from our home. This friend, apparently, has also been in a long term relationship for almost 20 years and they are getting married next year. My wife is supposed to be the maid of honour.
This entire set up seems a bit weird though, given the amount of time they spend, bordering on having half moved in. In a way I am happy my wife has company, but I am left wondering that is happening. We have casually talked about it and my concerns were brushed away that they are just very good friends. Maybe that’s true and I am just paranoid because of the distance.
We are continuing our search to buy a bigger house and we are in the run for adopting a child. When we talk or meet, there is no change between us and our plans continue. Our recent holiday has been one of the most romantic ones we ever had. Yet, I am increasingly doubting this set up, especially with big commitments coming up.
Any thoughts would be much appreciated. Maybe someone has been in a similar situation.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 22/09/2020 05:46

When are you going to be able to live together again? Surely their friendship will shift then as she will not have as much time or need for the other woman.
I really wouldn't assume it's an affair.

Lilac100 · 22/09/2020 06:12

That's what I hope, too. It will probably be another year. Hopefully travel will open up more so that we can travel back and forth more freely in the meantime.

OP posts:
Bassarid · 22/09/2020 06:33

I agree with CodenameVillanelle, you shouldn't assume that it is an affair. However, your anxiety is real and it does come from somewhere. It may well be from the fact that you can't live together. I think that you do need to talk and importantly she needs to understand your anxiety, and not just brush your concerns under the carpet. I strongly suspect that if you can both do that you will resolve it without difficulties.

Lilac100 · 22/09/2020 11:33

I suppose this does need a proper conversation, though I also don't want to appear like the insecure one. Then again, if it's not getting discussed it'll just fester. This should probably be in the next video chat.

OP posts:
SorryImKnew · 22/09/2020 11:38

Sounds too much to me.

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