Using cocaine and prostitution

[DharmaBums]

So after several years of finding evidence of cocaine use, prostitutes and recently, web cam porn I'm done. Really done. He's sleeping in the spare room, moving out at the end of October ( so he says) and apparently it's all my fault for not being loving enough. He's still using. Of course he is because he is not going to be able to stop. He was up all hours last night (blamed it on work) and then slept all day whilst I cooked, cleaned and homeschooled (argued) with our kids.
I don't know what to do. He's playing Disney Dad with the kids and they think he's the best thing since sliced bread. Absolutely purposely so when he leaves it will be my fault I'm sure. I could scream.
Not sure what I need from you guys, I guess I just need a hand hold and to vent and to see if anyone had any advice on divorcing a narcissist addict

Sorry your life is like this. It will never change and your children will be damaged. Get out as soon as you can for their sakes as well as your own.

Stay strong, op. If I were you, his sorry arse would be gone way before October.

Thinking about this a little more I think it should be you who says when he leaves OP

Oh that must be so hard

You've made the decision to get out and although it may be a long road to recovery, light will shine on your ways. What a scumbag

I’m so sorry this is happening OP. You are doing the right thing getting rid of him. This Disney Dad thing is very easy for him to achieve when you are doing absolutely all of the leg work and he is lying back like Lord Muck.
Assuming you are married I hope you have got copies of all paperwork to be able to work out finances, etc.
You will be much better off without this useless lump. You will be showing the DC’s that you won’t stand for his nonsense.
But as previous PP said why wait til October, get rid now especially in case we have another full on lockdown. Can you ‘deliver’ his shit to his parents or something?

Thank you all. I can't believe it's taken me this long to come to my senses honestly. He has gaslighted me every time to think that he will change/get counseling/recommit, etc. it's all lies. BUT I am not standing for it any longer. We're not in the Uk so no lockdown planned here. The October plan is because he will be given a lump sum payment so will find it easier for an apartment then. I just hope he sticks to it.
I just feel bad for the kids. Frankly with his level of Cocaine abuse I'll be surprised if he makes it to his 50th birthday. Poor them.
Thank you for all your replies. They've helped so much

Oh and I would love to deliver his shit to his parents. They are not close though and live thousands of miles away. I definitely would though. I'm dying to tell them but I'm trying to play nice if only to get him out sooner!
He literally has no one to talk to. He's alienated everyone with his constant double life and addictions.

You're so strong :)

But yeah get his shit outta there.

He sounds awful actually.

Make sure you've got copies of everything important relating to you, your house and the children locked away somewhere he can't get them (or leave them at a very good friend's if necessary). The shit has been lying for years, which means he's devious.

Make sure too that your accounts are such that he can't cut you off from money. He clearly is selfish and the Disney Dad crap is something he's putting some effort into.

Don't rely on the fact that he's never done anything like that before - assuming he hasn't - because he's been somehow hiding his spending on prostitutes and coke.

But don't discuss it with him. Carry on normally being as pushed off with him as you normally are and when he's asleep get into action.

So sorry you've been through this and will be going through the crap ahead. Once he's out of the house though, at least you won't have to look at him or have him in your space.

I'm trying to get copies of everything. It's hard. Everything is electronic and locked down with passwords etc. I feel so stupid that I'm financially dependent on this arsehole. I'm angry with myself for trusting him for so long.
I'm also in the USA on a green card, luckily not a conditional one though and still with 4 years left on it.
I'm trying so hard to play nice to keep him sweet, when actually I want to cut his balls off and change the locks!

I’m glad you’ve come to your senses OP! Is there any way he could move out earlier? He’s probably thinking he can wheedle his way back in so that would be the best option. Well done for taking this huge step! 😁😁