Right, so if your dh suddenly decides he hates his new job and everything points to a major life change... HELP

[Piffle]

Ok briefly
dp changed job after 8 years with same company as they wanted him to live away from home 4 days per week (we have 13yr old ds1 5yo dd and 6mth old ds2 I am SAHM)

He now commutes 4 hrs a day 2 each way to new job, more money but all money is sucked on travelling.
He was meant to be able to work 8-4.30 but guess what...
is home before 8pm most nights

But upshot is he loathes the job and is very very upset about it. He has stated he is not cut out to be an exec in a big company, he wants small company again.

He could easily walk back into old job but the away from home thing bothers both of us...
We live in Sth Lincs, so wages here are not as high as he would get at going back to old job (he tranferred from down sth when we moved up here from Hants)
We have a big house - bigger than we need tbh
So the upshot is this

We are considering downsizing majorly
we can do that around here and keep ds in his good grammar school and dd in her perfect little village primary (she has some minor SN)

Or selling up and legging it to NZ, but as ds1's natural father and wife are expecting a baby dec this year and ds1 is very close to his dad, this would seem cruel

Am so unsure what to do and how to support dp

Has anyone ever faced anything similar?

great minds, m'dear, great minds

it's because we are/have been desperate to leave jobs as main earners hence lots of empathy!

Bk
Piff, could he do a half way commute, so cutting it down to an hour? Does he commute by train? Could he negotiate some working on the train?

Or could you move in this direction? (where I live ticks quite a few boxes for you guys iirc)

BK yes both jobs do begin with S

he has flatly ruled out moving for this job, he says he is so sure that it will not pan out that he would not do it, only to find he still hated it
The commute is not the issue, he says he finds it fine. For the right job that is...

He said he would rather sell up and shift 12000 miles to NZ, but I'm reserved on that one...
my head hurts

i know (slightly) someone who used to work there (if it's the same place) he has set up a company now delivering training, specialist project turnaround, pmo set up etc.

Initials JW or Rl by any chance?

RL i meant

no - sm. but i imagine alumni of s are in demand in the project consultancy field. defence is at the forefront of cutting edge pm...

okies he is going to get in touch with an ex boss too...
will urge him to seek out other options...
he is also feeling the pressure of his fathers expectations a bit too...

i will cat you with the details of the person i've met in case that is useful.

That's good, he should carry on letting old bosses, colleagues etc know he is looking. And save some cash too, if you can, it was a huge comfort to us recently knowing we have some savings. They're small but enough to tide us over for a couple of months.

savings...
hmm we are bsuy clearing down cards and the o/d atm... so as to be debt free bar mortgage after selling...
savings oh

thanks BK might be interesting if the world is small huh!

right! well you have 6m to clear all your debt and put something by for a rainy day! may i recommend moneysavingexpert.com or one of the numerous threads here on mnet

oh have we done them all
alvin hall R US
LOL we are putting in more than our mortgage in payback atm, really cutting back on everything we can.
5 mths is our target, well with xmas prob 6 mths...

Piffle, I can't offer you any wise words at the moment but will go and ponder....

I have too been in a job which I hated and stuck it for under a year. I resigned with nothing else to go to and negotiated garden leave as I couldn't bear to go there. Life is too short to be stuck with crap. I have not had a problem explaining the short job on my cv. So long as the cv shows periods of long, consistent employment, the odd blip doesn't count against you.

I would think very carefully about moving to NZ thought. It would be so hard on DS1 to be apart from his dad and it would be very difficult for them to ever see each other given the distance involved.

I am so sorry this is such a bad time. Hope the kids get better soon, and I'll trundle off and think some more as I make dinner.

Take care.

Oooh still awaiting BK's CAT, dp is now racking his brains too... LOL

Piffle I don't know what to suggest to you as I've never faced anything similar.

Except I do know there is nothing worse than being stuck in a job you hate just for the sake of the money; you start to resent absolutely everything and ime it starts to reflect in your work ethic and your home life... so sympathies to your dp, and huge {{{{hugs}}}} to you. XXXX

Well unbeknownst to dp I've booked the estate agent to come round on Monday for a wee chat
I'll get some proper figures and so some research and then tell dp what I know.
He is off to Ldn today so not in office so is happier....
My head does ache with that kind of foreboding IYKWIM

I have just CAT'ed you! Sorry for the delay.

piffle I feel your pain!

it's so unsettleing isn't it, my head is all over the place, I change from one day to the next.
BUT what I have realised that when I am going with my heart (the drastic downgrading in order to have a happy dh) I feel excited with the prospect. when I am going with my head (staying put for a while for the sake of lifestyle and dh not living his dream) then I feel resigned to the decision iyswim.

how do you feel when you really try and imagine each scenario?

by the way, I have 3 kids-eldest 2 are poorly, baby (5 months) is also bored with it, and ds1 is from previous relationship...
spooky!
good luck with it all, I think you are right to get some facts and figures from estate agents, it should help you.

crikey spoooky similarities!

Well you've had some solid advice already on this thread -

... would just agree that he can't stick at something he so clearly hates for all the money in the world. My philosophy is that life is too short.

He clearly has other options so he should make himself a plan and start investigating...

I would think twice about tarting your house up for sale too. Lots of people prefer places with a little work required etc... putting a new kitchen in may be lost on lots of people who rip stuff out as soon as they move in anyhow!