What an idiot. (That would be me.)

[ChippyPickledEggs]

Need some advice and a hand hold.

I recently slept with someone from work. Not sensible but we're both single, equal in terms of work status, and I thought he was into me. He'd been flirting heavily, I'd kept catching him looking at me, and there was a real tension and excitement there. I felt really singled out for his special attention (I know, I know) and it felt really good. By the time we got to arranging to see eachother outside of work, I couldn't wait.

We went out on a date, got a bit drunk, and slept together. It was immediately apparent that things between us weren't as I'd thought and he'd just been looking to get his dick wet. To be fair he did make clear on the date that he wasn't looking for anything serious, which I had no problem with, but he could barely look at me afterwards - it actually felt really shit. We'd been having so much fun flirting and teasing in the lead up to our date I never imagined he could turn so cold.

I sent him a message the next day saying that I might have been up for a repeat as I did find him really attractive, and that I had no issue with casual relationships, but that even casual relationships needed to involve care and respect and I wasn't prepared to continue having sex with someone who was going to be cold and callous towards me afterwards. Which he has ignored.

And now I have to see him at work. And there's a new girl at work and I can see him now singling her out for the kind of attention he gave me. His beds barely cooled down and he's onto the next.

It feels awful. My ego is bruised, my feelings are hurt, and I just feel a bloody fool - absolutely furious with myself. Please don't just write back telling me what a twat I am - I know. What I'm looking for is advice on how to conduct myself from here on in. I just have to suck it up don't I - get on with my work and put it behind me. I just feel so had.

You’re not a twat and I’ve been in a very similar situation. He’s a cunt, as simple as that. It’s one thing to say you don’t want a serious relationship but quite another to just completely blank someone shortly after shagging them, especially after such a long time flirting.

It hurts and I’m sorry it’s happened to you. Give it time and know that you’ve done nothing wrong. He’s the one that has behaved badly here and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed when you see him at work (easier said than done). Take a bit of time, know that it was nothing that you did that caused him to act like this. He just wanted to get his dick wet.

You haven't been an idiot op. You had a few drinks, got carried away and got laid. As you said he made it clear it was going to be casual.

Not responding to your text is a dick move. He's rude. Consider yourself having a lucky escape! He sounds like a rotter.

Onwards and upwards!

You’re not an idiot at all

You live and learn! I have done this a few times with people from work and in my experience it never goes well so just learn from it and think twice next time.

Hope you start to feel better soon and just remember, his actions are no way a reflection of you, you said it yourself, he was just looking to get his dick wet! You’re too good for him x

He is a twat.

Not worth your time and energy. I am sorry you are going through this.

what a cringing predictable little shit bag, and I bet you're one of several in your office too. OP hold your head up high and know he is beneath you in class respect and morning after etiquette... believe you me, he's the TWUNT 🌺

p.s. pity the new lass, he will do the same again.

He’s a cunt, as simple as that

Why? He clearly said he wasnt interested in a serious relationship. OP said so.

My feeling is that it's fine not to be interested in a serious relationship. I might have been up for a FWB type arrangement. But you've got to treat people decently and have some manners, no matter how casual the relationship. Blanking someone after sex is just really immature.

Oh give over @Dawnlassie, OP has already said it's not about the fact it won't go any further, it's about his rudeness and coldness afterwards.

OP, all I'd say is that he is obviously an immature fuckboy who has shown you his true colours, and at least that's happened now and not further down the line.

The best thing you can do is hold your head high and live your best life without giving him a second thought. If there is a subtle opportunity to let the new object of his affections know what he's like at some point, so much the better.

Oh in that case mention to somebody in the office that you got drunk and slept togther that he has a small winkie.

Job done.

He’s a cunt, as simple as that

Why? He clearly said he wasnt interested in a serious relationship. OP said so.

It's his behaviour following the ONS that defines him. Not the lack of interest in a relationship. 🌺

I'm not looking for a serious relationship means I'm not looking for a serious relationship - it's not a disclaimer that allows a person to shag and ghost. That's rude and immature.

Op this is not a reflection of you. You need to hold your head high but you need the most withering abrasive response in case he ever approaches you in the future x

You're not an idiot! Far from it. You had a nice night, and for some reason he is now blanking you. You know it's because he's lining someone else up, and possibly you misjudged his intentions, but that doesn't make you an idiot.

I'd just mentally shrug it off, and if anyone asks just say you had fun but then he behaved like an immature boy by completely ignoring you. I wouldn't go down the humiliation route.

If he does start speaking to you again, I'd acknowledge but be clear he had his chance and blew it.

This happened to me once, it was so baffling. We had a great time, he clearly assumed I thought he was the love of my life . He was a good shag but not that good

Well work went ok today. I am determined to hold onto a bit of pride and not act all wounded and I think I did pretty well at being cheerful and normal enough. When I speak to him I try to act as though nothing's happened. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of thinking I'm all hurt.

He was being friendly enough too. A couple of times we passed in a corridor and there was a longer than normal period of eye contact that felt a bit awkward (I caught him looking over a few times) but I reckon I did ok at coming across as easy going and happy.

you will be ok, he on the other hand is just moving on to the next unsuspecting soul. 🌺

Yep, he's an a-hole. Amazes me why he would do this with workmates, knowing you still have to see each other. AND that you will potentially all talk. He's clearly not that clever.
I would warn the new girl about him, and then every other new girl he sets his sights on.