Supporting a friend through divorce

[MrsKingfisher]

My lovely friend and her dh are going through a divorce he's left her for OW but denying any affair which she has proof of but only after he gave her the it's not you it's me there's no one else bollocks.

She is devastated and although I'm usually good with advice I'm hoping the wise owls here can offer some sage advice that I can pass on.

My advice is don't give advice.

Listen, don't judge and keep your opinions to yourself. It will help her enormously if she feels free to vent without you judging or advising her.

Arrange fun activities, go for a coffee, a walk, for a meal, things to take her mind off it. Have a laugh. People going through a divorce want to have fun too, even if they go home and cry afterwards.

Text her at night, something kind, let her know you are thinking of her.

Don't bad mouth her ex. That's her job! She might still have feelings for him. She might even one day get back with him (although hopefully not).

Ask her questions, rather than give advice. That way any decisions she makes she had made herself. My best friend asked me 'why do you want him back?'. That simple question was enough to wake me up and get me to a lawyer.

Be kind. Even if you think she is going about things the wrong way. Even if she is exasperating you. Take a deep breathe, don't get irritated and be kind. She will be feeling all kinds of emotions and may lash out at times.

Be someone she can rely on. Her H has let her down very badly. So if you arrange something, don't cancel at the last minute. On the flip side accept that she may sometimes cancel at the last minute. She may have some very dark days.

I'm sure you'll be a huge help. Have two friends who kept me sane, and left me laughing, and I am forever grateful.

She is lucky to have a friend like you! As above listening and knowing you care will help her enormously. She’ll be up and down and she’ll want to talk about it a lot and go over it - its part of coming to terms with it. My friends helped me so much and i’ll always love them for it.

My only bit of advice is it might go on for a while so be patient. The same happend to me last year and I am still not really over it. I have really bad days and my best friends are absolutely brilliant. With a friend like you she will be just fine.

What everyone else said. Advice isn’t really that helpful but being a friend and keeping in touch and inviting her to do fun things will be invaluable. Or, as we are in Covid times, slightly-less-fun-but-still-sociable things. I’m a year on form a separation (threw husband out due to discovering his infidelity, which turned out to be on a massive and terrible scale, so I’m in a situation similar to your friend) and I am doing pretty well now, but only due to friends and family looking out for me and just being there.