Argument escalated out of nowhere. AIBU?

[HiccupDiccup]

Driving to do the big shop with DP, who is quite frugal with certain things and then an overspender in other things.

He will not put the aircon on in the car because it costs more in fuel to run. So we drive round with the windows down constantly. He pulls up at his work to collect a parcel, leaving me in the car for five minutes with the blaring sun (albeit only 20 degrees today but it was hot in the car with no air conditioning!) he leaves the office and talks to a colleague for a few mins so I shout "babe can you hurry up? I'm really hot!)

He gets in the car and starts shouting at me (normal for him, the second someone says something he doesn't like he shouts) and tells me to stop fucking moaning about aircon. It's not because he's tight, it's because aircon is dirty. Now at this point I'm raging because of the way he spoke to me. Anyway, further down the road he apologies but I'm annoyed at the fact that every time someone says something to him, he flips his lid. So I just said "ok".

We get in the shop and I'm asking what he wants and he's like "nothing" so I dump the trolley and go home.

Now we're not talking. I'm annoyed at having this scenario every time I say something he doesn't like. AIBU?

That 10% nasty is why you should dump him

Would you swim in a pool with 10% wee in it?

You don't sound very good together. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect, speak to you nicely and make sure you are happy and comfortable. He also deserves to be lonely until he can find someone he's willing to treat with respect, speak nicely to and ensure they are happy and comfortable (if he's ever willing to do that for someone).

@Feminist10101

He will not put the aircon on in the car because it costs more in fuel to run. So we drive round with the windows down constantly.

Increased drag due to windows down will probably cost as much (if not more) in fuel.

Yes, with modern efficient aircon and aerodynamic vehicles, it is cheaper to use the bloody aircon. And also safer in a crash if the windows are closed.

What a dick.

He's an abusive dick. I can't believe someone would be happy to leave their partner in a hot car without the air con on. You wouldn't do it with a dog ffs, why someone you're supposed to love.

I'm not surprised you're fuming

Not long before I told dh I was leaving I got out of a moving car - he used drive time to start abusing me...
Refuse to get in with him op.
And consider your future.

Refuse to get in the car with him

I'd leave him. You could continue to date him once you live apart but I wouldn't bother. Being shouted at isn't part of a healthy relationship. An occasional argument might be ok but not being shouted.

I'd rather be single.

He can close the aircon vent on his side of the car.
Or get a car with individual climate control for driver and passenger.
When he yells, calmly respond with “ we can talk when you calm down and can speak in a respectful way, I am not continuing this conversation with you yelling”.
Then not respond until he calms down.
Mine used to try yelling and then the silent treatment, I told him I would not be bullied. The silent treatment was met with “if you are going to act like a toddler, I will treat you like a toddler.”
These responses stopped DH cold, he had not thought about his behaviour as no one had ever called him out on it.
30 years later, still married and very few yelling arguments, and no silent treatment.

How long have you been together? 90% now but overtime that erodes until it becomes 10%.

The issue is he reacts to your needs if they conflict with his, he can't compromise..you might think its just aircon but reflect that you gave up feeling cool to placate him. What else have you given up to keep the peace?

Women with children end up being controlled because they fear the hostile reactions or keep quiet so the children are not upset. It is how abuse slowly escalates.

I used to let Ex get his way over "minor" stuff but thought it was mutual compromise. Overtime it became the default, his wishes over what we ate, when we got up, windows closed or not, even how we cooked food. It is insidious and quiet...until 15 years later you are unrecognisable from who you are now.

That 10% will just seem bigger and bigger and it will eat away at you. You'll never really let go of the hurt before another one comes along and then overtime it will snowball.