1 week post partum gone NC with my DF

[Carouselfish]

Handhold or advice on how to keep it up or tell me I'm doing the right/wrong thing.

Four days after having c-section I've deleted my dad from all my social media, whatsapp etc and told him we're finished. At the time I thought nothing he could say would make me change my mind and it wasn't a bid for attention, I had just reached the end of my tether. Now, I'm questioning whether I can really bear that forever or whether I can bear any more thoughtless rejection from him instead.
Long story short, his wife has always made our relationship near impossible - I didn't meet him until I was an adult and she has always been very jealous of him spending time with me. He lives abroad and any holidays we had together or visits I made to him have always been cut short or interrupted in some way by her. He won't stand up to her for several reasons (her mental health, the financial and status perks of living with her, his guilt for past affairs etc). He's very unhappy and has formerly always confided in me.
Some contributing factors to me going NC: A couple of years ago his side of the family had a reunion I only found out about through facebook. I hadn't been invited because wife had said it's her or me. That changed how I felt about him. He claimed the situation broke his heart, but he still chose a peaceful life and didn't stand up for me. Any contact we've had since has been once a month secretive, early morning facetime before wife gets out of bed! He talks daily on facetime to my stepsister because he can do this without being secretive! I have to chase him up for the monthly chat with me. He never sends cards on special occasions which always really hurts me, even though I've told him this. He tells me how much he loves and misses me but it just doesn't show in his actions at all.
Fast forward to this week, I had my baby and he texted a brief text, 'liked' a post on facebook and had a short chat with me on the phone. Four days later, he posted on instagram about my older, very successful step-sister saying what a stunning light she was in his life and how much he loved her. The awful timing of that was the final straw for me and I cut him off.
I've been crying about it since but, what is the point of continuing to be in contact with someone for whom I come so far down the list? It's just hurtful all the time.

This is not the right time to try & work out a life time of rejection & deception from him.
Now is the time to love your baby, build back strength & forget about him.
He is is a weak pathetic joke of a decent man, & you will not change him by "forcing him" to have a relationship with you.
He has made his decision to treat you differently, there is nothing you can do to change it? Look after yourself & your beautiful baby

I'm sorry you don't have the father you deserve.

Do you think your parental love for your new baby has made you realise that you could never treat a child his he has tret you?

*as he has treated you
Sorry!

You mentioned your step sister being older. Does this mean your dad had an affair with your mum while he was married to your step mum? If so, I can understand why she finds your relationship difficult as it probably reminds her of his infidelity.

However, he sounds a complete shit and you sound like the first woman to have stood up to him. Probably best to keep your distance at the moment, you'll be fragile and vulnerable for lots of reasons. You can change your mind any time you like but I doubt this man can give you what you need.

Thanks guys, no my mum wasn't exactly an affair as he had literally just started dating his now wife. His job required a lot of travel and there was certainly a lot lot lot of infidelity later on when they were married.
He knows I'm angry and he hasn't tried to do anything about it. I'm leaving it. I don't want to get back in contact right before my 40th be next month in order to set myself up for disappointment there too.
Baby girl fabulous and yes, she makes me incredulous about the whole thing really. And sad for her and my other DD not having a grandpa.

Oh and step isn't his biological daughter. He raised her and her sister from their early teens. In fact he said when he met me the first time that the feeling of love he immediately felt for me was so much more than he'd ever felt for them even though he loved them. But...words V actions.

You don't have to do anything else right now.

Let things lie as they are. Set aside a wee time where you sit yourself down and say 'I am not going to think about him, or do anything about this, until X date. I'm going to focus on my baby, have a lovely birthday, and when I catch myself thinking about him, I am going to think of instead.'

Give yourself space.

Enjoy your fab baby! Whatever you do, DON'T let this spoil this wonderful, unique time - these amazing first few weeks and months. You'll regret that more than anything, no matter what happens with your dad. He can wait! Babies don't. They change day by day.

I went NC with several family members after having babies. It was the right time. Not only did I finally just think 'This stops now' to all the dysfunction, my focus was now truly elsewhere. My family was truly elsewhere. They genuinely had no place with me any more.

Maybe you will have that too. I've never regretted NC for an instant, really absolutely not at all, and I thought I would. But they just don't feel like they are family at all now. It means nothing.

Your dad doesn't sound like a dad. Your parent-child relationship will be elsewhere now, with you as the parent instead. Make that your focus.

Your DD needs emotionally healthy relations around her and your dad does not fit the bill. Family are not binding and you are protecting her from bad things.

Its not your fault he is this lily livered weak and you did not make him so either. He has basically concentrated his efforts on his new wife's family and cast you aside (its not an uncommon scenario unfortunately). None of that was of your doing and or your fault; this is all on him because he is weak and also re his new wife acts out of self preservation and want of a quiet life.

If your man's parents are nice then concentrate your efforts further on them. Your dad will never give you what you need from him and ultimately you will need to grieve for the relationship you should have had rather than the one you actually got.