Is anyone scared of growing old alone?

[CakesRus3]

I have been single for 10 years. I'm 43, I have 3 dc's who are fabulous company and of course being a single parent life is super busy. However, over the years, on occasions I have felt a little lonely but I have been ok as alot of my time has been spent with my dc's and building a career. My dc's are getting older, less dependant and obviously enjoy time doing what they enjoy. I have dated over the years, nothing serious. I guess I always felt at the back of my mind I would possibly meet someone. It hasn't happy afyer 10 years so lost hope really. Lately, I have noticed myself feeling more and more lonely and I suppose losing hope of ever meeting anyone. I just don't know how to fill my time. Do I accept I will grow old alone?

I think that the number 1 reason why ppl stay with ppl they shouldn't is this. Not to say it isn't a good reason but I think it is a major fear in alot of ppl

I am the same age as you and have no children. I'm also an only child and both parents are dead.
Yes, I do fear this sometimes but I don't want to get into a relationship with someone who could be all wrong just because of that fear.
I've had two bad relationships in the last 10 years and I'm taking my time now.
Maybe I will meet someone. Maybe I won't. I always felt I would meet someone and be with them "forever" but it hasn't turned out like that.

Sometimes I will sit and stew over it and come up with all sorts of things that worry me - eg. becoming ill and unable to care for myself; being lonely in old age; no longer being fit enough to do jobs around the house. Those are my reasons for worrying about it.
But then I say to myself that anyone can "end up" alone in old age - if a spouse dies suddenly or early, any one of my currently married friends could find themselves alone at 60 or 70 or 80.
If someone in a married couple becomes ill there is no guarantee that the spouse could care for them either, especially if they are in ill-health themselves.
I live in another country and I know that there are procedures in place if I were to become ill and I'm living alone. There are carers, there are meals-on-wheels - that sort of thing. So from that point of view I feel that there would be help available.
As for loneliness - yes, I'd rather have a partner but then again, I was lonely in my two last relationships - more lonely than I am now. I think if you cultivate friends and interests that can help - I've done language courses and musical activities where there have been people in their 80s and 90s participating and many of them had lost a partner and were now alone.

I think you need to find your own passions and interests and pursue them.
I know from myself that it's dangerous to think too much about needing to get a partner to avoid loneliness because you can end up attracting the wrong sort and that is far worse than growing old alone.

Yes. I’m almost fifty and I’m finally trying to accept that I will either be alone for the rest of my life or so like a lot of my girlfriends have done and just “settle” for someone. But I don’t manage well when I’ve settled for someone, so those relationships tend to be fraught with bickering and Me feeling just as lonely as if I was single anyway.

I'm 46 and a commited singleton (13 years now). I don't worry so much about growing old alone as I'm content in my own company but I do think what would happen if I died alone. (No one would notice I was missing and the dog would have to eat me).

I do think about this sometimes too. I'm the same age as you. My kids are still pretty young but I do wonder what will happen when they both fly the nest and I'm still single.
Having a partner doesn't guarantee you won't be alone in your old age though. Harsh as it sounds, you could easily lose your partner first and still find yourself alone when you're old.
I think its best to concentrate on enjoying the NOW and only think about trying to date again because you really want to and not because you're scared not to.

@HaudMaDug sorry but I laughed out loud at your last sentence!

Most of the elderly women I know are happy and content. They have routines and friends and interests.

I have known far more happy single women than married ones over the years. In my experience men take far more care than they give.

Yep. I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact I'll never get married. I'll never get a 'hen do' and the wedding I always wanted. And yes I know, marriage isn't about the wedding. But I'm allowed to be sad that I won't experience that.

My dc are teens now. They'll leave home one day and then I'll be all alone :(

Sign up to Tinder and get some FWB's

But then I say to myself that anyone can "end up" alone in old age - if a spouse dies suddenly or early

This is very true and not uncommon.

I always remember an elderly woman in her 80s who used to have "falls" and broken bones her also elderly husband regularly beat her.

There are worse things than growing old alone not in a couple.

Statistically men die several years before women so most women will end up alone - unless they've got a younger husband.

If husband is older obviously the longer widowhood the woman will have (statistically).

Interestingly being married lengthens a man's life and shortens a woman's,

If filling the time is a problem, perhaps look at developing your interests and hobbies, widen your social circle? You might stumble upon a nice bloke at the same time, and if you don't you'll be doing fun stuff for yourself.

As pp says, blokes tend to die earlier so you're looking at dying alone anyway .

I mostly look at singlehood as a way of avoiding doing the caring and wiping arses.

Remember that women tend to outlive men so even if you marry someone, the norm is actually that you would spend at least some of your old age (that is if we reach old age in the first place!) without a partner.

But just because you don't have a husband, doesn't mean at all you have to be "alone". Concentrate on building good friendships and meaningful connections e.g. Church groups, and expanding your interests.

You can always move into one of those retirement complexes when you age, where there will be plenty of other people in your situation so you can all keep each other company, as well as have your own space when you need

@HaudMaDug

I'm 46 and a commited singleton (13 years now). I don't worry so much about growing old alone as I'm content in my own company but I do think what would happen if I died alone. (No one would notice I was missing and the dog would have to eat me).

I'm a similar age and have been single for the same amount of time. Last time I commented to my colleagues that I could die and no-one would know, they reminded me of the time I was an hour late getting back from a meeting in a different part of the building and they sent out search parties . I'm pretty resigned to remaining alone, but I highly value my friendships and am optimistic I'll find likeminded people to hang out with into my dotage.

I think about this often, as I'm about to get separated. I agree that most women outlive their husbands, and as time goes on, less women are "happily" married. I'm heterosexual, but my ideal would be to house share with one of my divorced friends and we could share the childcare and have companionship. Some men don't make great companions when the sex wears off anyway.

Maybe my family have been unlucky, but when I look at the older generation, the majority of the women have ended up nursing their husbands/partners through lengthy, debilitating, sometimes horrific terminal illness and ended up as widows alone. The women who have died, were both very sudden and clean, and the widower remarried in one case.

It really puts me right off living with a bloke again.

I used to worry about this until I realised I don’t want someone around 24/7. I value time alone and have had partners who want to be together every evening and weekend, and that is too much for me. The thought of being retired with someone, having them under my feet all day, really puts me off. Yes they might have hobbies but they’ll still be at home a lot of the time. I’m a homebody myself and don’t want to feel forced out of my own home to get some time away from them! I also don’t want to end up being someone’s carer. I want to be able to enjoy my retirement (as far as I’m able) with no responsibilities. Yes having someone around some evenings for a chat would be nice, but not worth all the potential downsides in my opinion. If I’d been with someone years and we’d built a life together, that would be different, but I won’t be looking to meet someone in my 60s or beyond.

The new reality of dating over 65: Men want to live together; women don’t

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/article-women-older-than-65-dont-want-to-live-with-their-partners//_

Men seem to be looking for a "nurse or a purse".

Exactly. There's bugger all in it for women.

More housework, wifework, emotional labour, caring responsibilities - it's rare that a man will actually pull his weight.

@category12

Exactly. There's bugger all in it for women.

More housework, wifework, emotional labour, caring responsibilities - it's rare that a man will actually pull his weight.

Yep! Why would anyone take that on or go back to it if they've got out?