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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Socialising with DH

6 replies

Peppapogo · 21/09/2020 14:05

DH and I have observed that we don't socialise with others enough, then at the weekend, I was reminded why.
We invited another couple to our home for a meal and each time I tried telling a funny story or just a recount of something that had happened, he kept on pulling me up:
"No that isn't what he said.."
"No it didn't happen like that..."
All over really boring, tiny details that didn't matter, that had no relevant point to the story. I felt awkward and our guests looked to be getting bored a couple of times when he did it.
It was like he wanted to belittle me.
He's quite insecure socially and isn't comfortable talking to others unless he knows them very well. So this is how he behaves instead; I'm more outgoing than him in social situations.
I'd forgotten why we stopped socialising together and I'd much rather socialise with my friends alone. I pointed it out to him a couple of years ago and he said he would stop it, but he's clearly forgotten.
It's like he competes with me infront of others; sounds silly, but I just don't feel he's got my back. Other couples just seem so much more "together" in social situations and bounce off each other.
I'm starting to think that perhaps he just doesn't really like me very much!

OP posts:
lesleyw1953 · 21/09/2020 14:22

I used to have this problem. I spoke to DH and pointed out how boring it is for people to listen to and illustrated it
, "It was Thursday" "no, Friday" "No Thursday because I had just put the bins out" "No Friday , because they changed the day" "No, Thursday because that was last fortnight" "No, Friday because you had got that fish in batter for dinner" "No, we had that Thursday because I had accidently defrosted it and we had to eat it" "Ah yes, so it was" "OK, it was Thursday and I was going to visit my mother" "No ,not that week you didn't" And so on and on. He will really quickly get the point! Now when one of us is disputing an irrelevant detail the other simply says, "No, Friday" It works like a charm

SassenachWitch · 21/09/2020 14:39

My brother and sister in law are like this, they both contradict each other over stupid things. It doesn't really matter what day it was, but they have to tell the other they're wrong and give several reasons why they're wrong.

It's uncomfortable to be around, and I feel embarrassed for the one being corrected.

RightOnTheEdge · 21/09/2020 14:45

Oh yeah that sounds awful behaviour, embarrassing for you and awkward for your guests.
My dd does this sometimes and I've spoken to her about it a few times, she 9 though not an adult.

LemmysAceCard · 21/09/2020 14:46

My parents are the same. It is very draining to listen to. Trying to listen to a story to have them argue over which day it was makes you stop listening as the day really doesn't matter.

I have to bite from tongue from shouting "does it really bloody matter if it was a Monday or a Tuesday, does it change the dynamic of the story?"

I dont know what to suggest with regards to your husband but how you have not killed i will never know.

LilyLongJohn · 21/09/2020 14:47

You've got a social hand-grenade on your hands. One that can't see when guests are getting bored or feeling awkward.

It's also infuriating for you, as you can't tell a story without him side tracking you.

When he starts, why not just say 'anyway, the day doesn't matter' and carry on

Peppapogo · 21/09/2020 20:39

I did respond eventually with "these minor details are besides the point" and he seemed to have got the message.
Our guests seemed uncomfortable though and it spoiled it a little. They must have felt awkward as they were in our house.
Inlaws are always doing it to each other too!

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