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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shall I go on this date?

8 replies

Blackredfloral · 21/09/2020 14:04

I broke up with my ex bf earlier on this year after a nearly 8 year relationship. At the time I felt like this was for the right reasons as I felt that we had drifted irrevocably apart but more and more I find myself missing him and thinking about him, wondering if he has been on many dates yet or even possibly met somebody new. I downloaded Tinder about a month ago as I felt that I owed it to myself to at least try and move on by meeting new people, and I’ve been speaking to a man on there who seems really nice. We are meant to be meeting this weekend (pandemic permitting) but I feel unsure. Although I haven’t seen my ex in months or been in contact with him at all I still feel very much ‘in a relationship’ emotionally and as though - I know this might sound strange - I would somehow be cheating on him if I met someone else for a drink. This even though he explicitly encouraged me before we parted to try and meet somebody myself. Is it fair to meet this other man while my head is like this? The trouble is I think I will feel this way until I actually meet somebody else, so it’s a bit of a catch 22 Hmm

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 21/09/2020 14:06

Are you still in touch with your ex ?

Blackredfloral · 21/09/2020 14:22

@pumpkinpie01 no we haven’t spoken in months now

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/09/2020 14:26

You should go on the date. It sounds to me as though your mind is stuck on a hamster wheel thinking about your ex, which isn't uncommon. As for "cheating" on him, you know that's just silly.

I think a change of pace would do you some good. Just keep it casual with this man and have a pleasant time.

BuggeredItUpAgain · 21/09/2020 14:27

Definitely go

CakesRus3 · 21/09/2020 14:28

It takes time to adjust to change. You are doing nothing wrong in going on a date. Why don't you see it as meeting a friend as 1st dates are just a meet really aren't they? Hopefully nice company, good conversation, meeting new people. There is no pressure. If you feel uncomfortable, maybe give yourself a little more time.

blisstwins · 22/09/2020 06:23

Definitely go. It is hard to change the channels when you have been in a long relationship, but nothing wrong with meeting this man if he sees nice. As someone else said change is scary and starting to date puts a little more finality to your former relationship. It is part of the process, I am afraid. Just try to have a good time

IJustWantSomeBees · 22/09/2020 14:30

It's normal to long after the last relationship you were in when you've been starved of affection, it doesn't mean that going back to your ex is a good idea. I would go on the date and focus on moving forward

lunalulu · 23/09/2020 07:10

You need to go on the date.

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