Custody internal relocation

[Ellm84]

I have been the primary earner, primary care giver of our 20 month old twins and carried the mental work load as well as house work and finances.
Ex husband is an ex alcoholic and drug addict with an active sex line addiction and depression.
After my husband said he wanted a divorce because of arguments. He was often pushing and shoving me around. Which I have reported to the police. Mainly arising because I was asking him to get help.

He wants 50% custody despite not really taking care of them on his own often. Often being supported by his Mum or my family. He works full time mon-fri from home. I work a condensed week with occasional Sat or Sun, nights and long days. They are in nursery two days a week. I paid for. grandmothers shared a day. I was with them two days a week

Before he wanted the divorce I discussed a job in London where I would work less hours, no nights weekends and get paid an extra £30000 as its a progression in my career. We currently live in the north east.

I am aiming to relocate the children to Surrey. I have tried for the last year to get a post in the North east but Im a specialist.
I have offered him the chance to visit on weekends and bring them up once a month

He wants to go to court. Havent gone to mediation yet.

Im wondering what peoples experiences of court cases for internal relocation have been aNd chances of success

In the case I contested, the court allowed it - an almost 200 mile distance within England.

I was a genuinely hands on father pre-separation, with two years of post-separation at 50:50 and “Family” Court still approved it. So I’d say you’re likely to get what you want.

It might well end up expensive for you both if he does contest it (in the region of 10k) so try mediation, if you can, otherwise you’ll just be helping a solicitor with their kids’ private school fees.

You are not emotionally safe to do any form of mediation with this man so I would decline mediation. Mediation is not appropriate here in any case because of abuse within the relationship.

Abusive men work to a very similar script each time. He only wants 50/50 to get back at you as punishment for leaving him because in his eyes he is a perfect specimen. He is in no way capable of looking after his own self let alone two kids half the time and if he wants to see his children then he can make the effort to see them in a contact centre and supervised. I would be contacting both Womens Aid and the Rights of Women, they in particular as they can give legal advice.

Thanks for your post this must have been hard

Thanks for you advice its a cross between feeling like I need to fight to sort this all out and wanting to give up because he has made me feel powerless. His family have unlimited funds which make it complicated but the facts are the facts and you can only spin so much. Its the cost I dread but if I can do it without bankrupting myself. How much are they worth. I could do with support so will contact women’s aid. Have invested in a great counsellor.

Family lawyer here.
The principles applied to internal relocation are the same as those applied to international relocation (but the former is nevertheless easier to get).
F will improve his position immeasurably by having shared care (that doesn't necessarily mean exactly 50:50 but something approaching it), particularly over an extended period.
The court will want to see a sound reason for you going and a plan for maintaining the DCs' relationship with F. Reasons usually involve taking a new relationship to the next level or wanting to return home to family/friends or, in your case, the next step in a career (or a combination).

You must have a plan.

A plan for the area in which you intend to live, with sample properties. Will you decide on a specific area and rent at first, or look at a wider area and buy the first house that ticks all the boxes?

A plan for nursery/schooling: can you narrow down your target area so that you can identify catchment schools and nurseries? Get in touch with them, get the Ofsted reports etc. Do a map showing what is available to buy atm within your price range, and distance to schools, nurseries, parks, station (for your commute).

A plan for how will manage childcare and your commute if you are working in London, including emergency childcare if the trains are up the spout (as they often are). What if the DCs are ill and can't go to school or nursery? What emergency childcare will you use then?
A plan for when they will see F and how often, including indirect contact via phone/skype/facetime, and how they will travel (eg will you share or be responsible for the journey). What are the train links like? The court will want to be satisfied that the children will not suffer a loss of the parental relationship, which is a risk as they are only 20 months old. I don't think your plan to send them up to F one weekend a month and for him month to spend another weekend a month in Surrey is viable. The court will expect them to spend eow with F at his home. Where would he stay in Surrey once a month? What would he do with them in a place he doesn't know?

You need to explain why Surrey specifically. Do you already have friends there, or family? It may be better to look at places which will have a less arduous journey for F and the DCs(ever done the M25 on a Friday night?).

You'll need to show your motivation is genuine, and that it is not simply an attempt to get away from him. It seems that the DCs contact with their GMs will also suffer, that has to be factored in too.
What other options are there? Presumably not commuting.
Fundamentally your reasons for going are sound - it's a career move that you cannot replicate where you are now. But if that's the only string in your bow it may not be plain sailing. It would be better if you could establish some connection to Surrey, but if there is none you need to look at other areas which may be easier for F to get to/for you to get them to F (you may end up for all of the travel).

You have to try mediation at least once before you can issue an application. When does the job start? Proceedings will take 5/6 months, possibly more.
Most Ms in your position would win, but you don't have the strongest case so it's not a given by any means (stronger cases being where M is returning "home" or is getting remarried to a person who lives in the other location).

I think £10k is a very low estimate for legal fees.
There is a lot of case law online if you google internal relocation or domestic relocation.

Sorry this happened to you PaterPower, it is a brutal and heartbreaking process.

Thanks for your post.

Surrey as its a nice area and commutable as the job is based in south london.

My Mum and stepfather would be moving and living with me so would have support with childcare.

Re fathers access your probs right about feasibility of access. I would have to agree and shoulder the finances of brining the children up twice a month so they could stay with him

I do not think I could commute as their father is not capable of looking after them alone for half a week.. Which is why Im having willing to go to court. I have concerns re his parenting Or lack of co-parenting thus far which is harder to prove.

Thanks for the advice re the actual relocation. The job has an initial 6 month temp period then will be made permanent. Is there any way of moving them for this period of time whilst we wait on a formal hearing?

Currently father is only having them on alternate weekends overnight but is picking them up from nursery and giving them their dinner two nights a week