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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I in an abusive relationship

4 replies

MummaMinxi · 20/09/2020 20:35

Since lockdown I've realised I may be in an abusive relationship and not quite sure what to do.
The more I think about things, the more I realise what he's been doing;

I have no friends, none, everyone I've had, he's found fault in or made me think they're not good for me or just made my life misery whenever I've wanted to go somewhere so I just stopped going out. I remember wanting to go to work & him telling me that he wouldn't help me with the kids at all, so I had to choose. I didn't choose, I got a school time job but he hated it and at the time wasn't working but wasn't doing anything to help me either.
If he doesn't get sex on a Saturday morning, is absolutely horrible to be around, will bang stuff around, shout & just act like a sulky child...so most of the time I do it for an easy home for the kids.
I know I have to end it but doing so is going to try so hard....he won't just leave if I asked him to, he'll get angry and aggressive, will accuse me of having another man, try to take my youngest girl, wreck/break the house or hurt me. I have to figure out how to get him out & stay safe without having to run from our home.
I know I have to end it, for me and my kids....I don't know how long this has been going on but Friday night something clicked and I realised what's happening. He always makes everything about him, screams over & at me, tells me I'm being stupid/a div/overreacting....he's got a drink problem too and I've finally realised its not okay for the kids or me to live this way.

I suffer from Bipolar type 2, agoraphobia and severe depressive episodes, on Friday I was in a really bad way, needed to go to A&E but he wouldn't let me go, instead told me to stop being a miserable c**t and to get over my mental health. He made it clear he doesn't care about my mental health and that he doesn't support me the way he should be as my partner.
This sent me into a massive spiral and I finally realised I have to end things.

I guess the point of my post is, verifying to myself that this is an abusive relationship, because as I write this, I can see it is, but also for advice on how I can end the relationship safely, without having to leave my home. My oldest daughters are doing their GCSE'S next yr & have changed secondary school 4 times since yr 7 so I really don't want to uproot them again.

I AM going to end it, I DON'T want to live this way anymore, I just need the right advice on how to do it right and forever.
Thanks for sticking with me through the post xx

OP posts:
LockdownLoopy · 20/09/2020 21:02

Yes, this a very abusive relationship. LTB.

Bassarid · 20/09/2020 21:06

Yes it is. As for advice on how to end it you really need to speak to a solicitor.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 20/09/2020 21:24

Absolutely abusive. Well done for recognising it and making a plan to leave him ASAP Flowers

Sorry I don’t have any advice on getting him out, but hopefully other people will be along shortly to help you with that side of it.

Just a word of warning, please cover your tracks, including logging out of your browser and clearing history etc after coming on here. Abusive men tend to ramp it up when they realise they’ve lost control of you and you’re leaving them. Is that your name in the original post? You can report your post and ask MN to amend it to remove that for you.

Good luck Flowers

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 20/09/2020 21:47

Ah MNHQ have removed it. Thank you.

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