getting a dog in middle of divorce??

[Glittergirl80]

I know this may seem a bit random but I'd be grateful for any advice. My STBXH is refusing to move out until lawyers have sorted who gets what etc. We have 2 DS 12 and 8 and they don't know yet though God knows how they haven't noticed. He is taking our beloved 2 year old dog with him the boys are very attached to her and spends a lot of time with her (he says he paid for it and it's his dog) I have the chance of another dog same breed roughly same age at a good price and coming from a breeder who is looking to rehome her for genuinely good reasons but she is wonderful with children. Would it be wrong/stupid/unfair of me to take her now before he has moved out? my thinking is when he goes and takes current dog with him the boys will be devastated (more about the dog than him as he is a shit dad and a shit emotionally abusive selfish nasty husband!) then at least we will still have the new dog to distract them? or will that just be more confusing that they think they are getting 2 dogs then one goes away? please be honest but kind I'm struggling so badly just now (not just the decision with the dog just the situation in general) xx

OP, I totally understand your concern but another point you haven't considered is that the dogs might bond strongly and then end up distressed and pining for each other. I would actually get legal advice about your family dog if your ex is actually allowed to just take the dog, even if he paid for the pet. Also, he may find it a lot harder to find somewhere to live with a pet if he is renting.

I wouldn’t, you might find when he takes the dog he brings it back when all the walking and dog work falls to him.

Let it be until he’s been gone six months.

Your STBX sounds like a selfish fucker, does he not care how this affects the DC, how’s he planning to care for the dog if he’s at work all day?
Very spiteful of him, have the DC asked him to keep the dog? I wouldn’t get another as it teaches your DC that an animal is an easily replaceable object.

I wouldn't - as pps have said, you might find yourself with two dogs. Or else you'd have to go through the process of introducing the two safely, and then handle its anxiety on separation.

It's just not the right time, and I don't think just getting another dog of exact same breed is necessarily great for your kids. Animals aren't interchangeable. I would wait a bit and get another you choose together, rather than reacting and grabbing onto this dog that's come up.

I wouldn't. Perhaps it will be nice for you and your DS to pick out your own dog when the time is right.

This is tough. Does your H know how attached the dc are to the current dog? Would he care? Is he attached to it?
Would it be worth trying to keep the fog between you both so whoever has the kids, has the dog?

Now is not the time. Please think it through.
When you have got rid of him, and the children are a bit more settled, that my be the time.

I really ask you to consider that getting a dog is not an emotional decision but a practical one, involving emotions of course.

You really have other priorities now.

OP - first off - in the divorce - family pets are considered part of the chattels (yes, together with furniture and other movable possessions). So who paid for the dog, or sofa, or x,y,z - isn’t relevant.

In your place I would simply not agree to him taking the dog. And stand your ground.
I’d instead suggest that the dog comes between the houses together with the kids. Of it goes to court no judge in the world would separate the kids with a dog in favour of one of the parents.

But other than that - if you are a dog person, have space and taking care of a dog full time is something you’d like to do - getting a second puppy is not as big an issue as some people suggest. It’s a good thing they’ll get socialised together as if dogs do get separated - inevitably the kids would want them all together in whatever the house they are in. If not all the time, but at times.