Lost and scared

[How321]

Hello, I’m at a complete loss at what to do, I was a stay at home parent for 6 years my partner is director of two large companies and I was also in a financially controlled relationship, constantly being accused of wasting her money and not getting house work done to her standards, I once tried to do some ironing in the Evening and she started shouting at me she could be doing that as she love ironing and I’m stopping her doing, it that was over two years ago and she’s not pick up iron once, I now have a part time job that my partner got me with school hours (so I can still look after the kids as she struggle with them) in her office where she belittles me she’s telling me I’m the worse person she’s every trained (whilst the manager is saying I’m one of the best and they don’t want to lose me) and over the weekend she decided to have a go, screaming at me and for the first time I stood up for myself tried to get our daughter away from her and she punched me in the face in front of both our children (they’re 5 and 6) I shout at her that’s she’s nothing more than an abuser and say I’m worried if she’ll hit me them the children could be next we need to leave the who time I’m trying to get my daughter away from her and she’s pulling at her lots of crying going on from kids, then we both take a moment to settle kids, now she’s made me leave the house which she owns and I’ve had to leave the kids there which doesn’t sit right with me there’s hardly been a day since they’ve been born where I haven’t read them a story and full bedtime routine whilst she’s downstairs on her phone, even though I have a job now I still do nearly all the looking after the kids, all the cleanly, cooking and laundry, I just want to know where I stand as it doesn’t sit right that I should leave I should surely be one to stay and look after the kids as normal, last time I let her put kids to bed she didn’t even brush there teeth from a legal standpoint can I take the kids with me so I know they’re looked after property as my main job and focus for last 7 years has been to raise my kids,

Please help

Much as I love a good row, it would be an idea to try and keep the thread safe for the OP who is getting some solace from posting about their experience, perhaps for the first time.

I also agree OP, that seeking a second opinion regarding residency is the way to go. My fault for not reading all your posts but you have contacted a DV service, so well done for reaching out, I know how hard that is.

In the meantime, do contact Gingerbread who have a very good helpline and can point you in the right direction regarding further legal advice. Get your evidence together in a folder: date of assault, crime ref, photos if any and any further evidence you have as detailed above. Keep collating evidence.

I'm sorry the children are currently with someone unsafe, that's very worrying. Make some calls next week and let us know how they go.

Giving a child food that the child doesn't like is neglectful. In an abusive scenario it's not just doing things different, it's not knowing how to care for your child or deliberately ignoring their needs.

Sexist because I can't imagine your response to a woman in this situation being the same.

Quote : Because I'm curious if she would say you were a lazy, useless shiftless bastard and she was at the end of her tether with your attitude.

Would you say that to a woman who's husband had just punched her in the face in front of the kids and kicked her out?

And if it would give the same response then you are just horrid rather than sexist and horrid. Your choice.

Again, out of context. And I have no interest in arguing with some random on the internet with nothing better to do with their time thanks, so you can think whatever you like, means bugger all to me :p

OP just a thought, do you think the neighbours would have witnessed anything? Or is there anyone like a mutual friend who has seen her behaviour? Might not be of any use but couldn't harm to think going forwards just incase. Shore up your defences.

You'll get there, it just might take some time.

Keep posting op if helps. We are all here to listen

Just instructed a solicitor to petition the courts for a hearing, because it’s a domestic abuse incident they are gonna skip sending a letter to my partner, I’m so scared I don’t know what to expect, just keep thinking it’s all gonna go wrong, hardly slept last couple of days just wanna take kids home with me and never let them go, miss them so much.

I do see them most days but it’s for so little time and they have swimming lessons singing lessons in my time with them so I don’t get to play with them. Ps thanks for the support it’s really helped to know there’s decent people out there.

That's great news. Have you spoken to anyone about safety? I would look into a non molestation as I believe your partner knows where you live and you are quite near. You can contact the NCDV or Domestic Violence Assist for more info on that.

Bless you op, what a shit time you're going through. Well done on instructing a solicitor. Its such a hard thing, taking that first step.

Thanks for the support guys, my ex partner is my boss at work so can’t get away from her unless I quit my job which I’ve been told won’t look good to a judge that I can’t provide for kids if I’m jobless, she just messaged me to say I can’t have the kids over night, she said she’d rather they didn’t at the moment, just feeling so frustrated the person I spoke to at Edan lincs told me that there’s still prejudice against men when it comes to custody, which she agreed was wrong but it’s just the reality at the moment

OP you can get a non molestation order if you are living in the same house as someone, so it's possible to get one if you work together. I don't know when the last incident of violence was but contact the organisations above and they'll discuss whether or not one is possible to obtain.