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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Was I in the wrong

3 replies

Confused34 · 20/09/2020 11:53

I’ve gone from one unhealthy relationship to another so trying to work on myself.

One thing that keeps coming up is a few experiences a few years ago. I met a guy on tinder, we messaged back and forth and I did a VERY stupid thing. After a few drinks I invited him around, I was clearly very drunk. He told me the next day that we’d had sex and apparently I’d say ‘I don’t want to’ and he told me he said ‘I think you do really’. I don’t remember this. He had a very professional job and for some reason I continued to see him. He was very obsessed with sex. The night that leaves me cold is, following a very bad day I’d been out drinking with my friend, he met me at the restaurant after and kept buying me wine. I’m ashamed to say I don’t remember getting home.

The next day I asked why my coat was wet- he said from ‘when I was fucking you in the restaurant toilet’ I was horrified- I’m not the kind of person who would willingly do that. I was in a dark period of my life and was drinking way to much. Am I overreacting to feel mortified about this? I quickly ended things and he stalked me for months.

OP posts:
johnd2 · 20/09/2020 11:58

Of course you are not in the wrong, the person in the wrong is the abuser. Sorry to hear this has happened to you, this person must be doing that to more people than just you. Seems they don't even care about getting caught.

johnd2 · 20/09/2020 11:58

Have you considered getting help from rape crisis or reporting it to the police?

anotherdisaster · 20/09/2020 12:28

Why on earth would you be in the wrong here? This piece of shit took advantage of you when drunk, then admitted it. He then proceeded to get you drunk on another occasion so he could do it again. I would report him to the police. He probably does this all the time.

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