Lazy husband

[Fedup20]

I’m feeling really fed up with my husband. All he seems to do is sit down and sleep. He used to blame it on his job (shift work, weird hours, made him feel really down) but has changed jobs recently but still behaves the same. He says he doesn’t feel depressed anymore, he’s just lazy.
Just looking for a bit of advice to get him to do more at home really. All the housework and childcare falls to me and I’m really starting to resent him for it.

What have you tried?

I don't really know what you expect us to say - you have a lazy partner and you pick up the slack for him. Presumably you've spoken to him about it, had rows about it etc?

You can write a rota and expect him to do his share.
You can stop picking up his slack - stop cooking and cleaning for him, do only for yourself and the children.
You can try relationship counselling.
You can give him an ultimatum that he shapes up or ships out, if you're prepared to follow through.

Do you work outside the home?

@ilikemethewayiam

Do you work outside the home?

Yes, we both work full time doing exactly the same job in the same place earning the same pay. I went back to work part time after mat leave, then upped to full time when my husband changed jobs to make ends meet.

I found just getting them to take over specific tasks instead of waiting for them to see the mess and do it, works. Made a list and divided up tasks. My husband cleans bathrooms weekly, hoovers the house weekly, bin duty, cleaning down sink and counter every night, quick tidy of living room before he goes to bed. He obv puts away his own laundry and washes his gym gear. I know I shouldn't have to give a list but he is just a generally messy person and couldn't give a hoot. I cook because I prefer to have control over my meals, I generally wash up as I go, do laundry and polish and quick tidy. It works for us anyway. I find the organised mum method great to keep things quick and ticking over. Some days I end up doing nothing if there's no laundry and we are eating out but don't tell him that 😂

Then it is totally unacceptable for him not do his 50%, you are not paid staff!

I agree with PP’s that you need to write a list of all the household tasks. daily, weekly, monthly seasonal, etc etc. it shouldn’t fall to you to be Manager but I think you need to try this as a starter. You need to assign a time for each task. You each choose tasks of roughly equal effort until They are split evenly. Tell him this is not negotiable, you were not put on this earth to skivvy after anyone. He doesn’t get to have an easy life at your expense. If he doesn’t want to step up then you have to decide if you will live with his laziness or leave.

All he seems to do is sit down and sleep.

Does he actually sleep for an unusually large amount of time? It might be worth suggesting a conversation with a Dr.

...and if he's not interested in that, tell him you and he need to divide up the chores (50:50 - you and he have exactly the same job, so no reason he can't do the same amount of housework as you do).

We have a chore chart that clearly state who is responsible for what, including the DC

My husband can take advantage a bit but likes living in a clean and tidy house. When he starts taking the piss too much I just down tools and let the whole thing implode till he has a reality check!!!!

Give him beans on toast at every meal. On a paper plate. Do not wash any of his clothing. Do not provide food he likes. It's quite easy really if you have the balls to do it!