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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Legacy from childhood

6 replies

DevilsIvy · 19/09/2020 11:09

Ive been thinking about this a lot recently. I think ive done ok in life (have two beautiful boys, a house and decent job and car, can afford to do things and im happy). Were thinking of moving soon and looking at how much we can afford, we have an eye on a much larger property. I always have this little voice of my mum in my head saying “alright dont rub it in our faces, dont brag” “your a snob” i feel like she was never proud of me “god if you fell in shit, you would come up smelling of roses”. Its like i feel i dont deserve to have these things and be happy, can always feel her sneering at me. I find it really hard to understand why a parent would feel like this for their child. Surely they want them to excel and be happy? Both my parents are dead now so i cant explore this further with them. I feel sad when i look back on my childhood/younger years.

Anyone relate?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/09/2020 11:16

My DM is a bit like this. She sort of begrudges me having stuff/doing stuff. I'm not sure where it comes from, other than she is slightly bitter about everyone, despite having a very comfortable lifestyle. My DGM was not like this, to the best of my knowledge. My DM isn't a happy person. She has had depression problems (and possibly other MH problems) since I was a baby, and is not a happy person, which may go some part towards explaining it.

Raidblunner · 19/09/2020 11:54

Leave this crap in the past. You work hard, make prudent choices and deserve everything you have in life. Its a damn short life and you have to take and enjoy happiness in what ever form. Don't reside in you Mothers negativity, keep looking ahead and remember you don't have to justify anything to anyone. There's always people in life that are jealous and envious. Let them be and celebrate your health & wealth.

DevilsIvy · 19/09/2020 23:22

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants yes i think my num suffered MH issues if im honest. Most likely depression but also really bad social anxiety as there were parts of my childhood where she wouldnt leave the house. I think there was also a lot of bitter resentment there too. I think she was cross that we had more options/choices in life than she did Hmm

OP posts:
DevilsIvy · 19/09/2020 23:27

@Raidblunner thank you, i know i should but its hard when youve been conditioned in a way to feel like youre “getting too big for your boots” or “showing off” your achievements. I would never put my kids down and would be so proud of all they achieve and encourage them. She definitely was a negative person. Its only as an adult that you look back and analyse why you are like that and who made you like that Confused

OP posts:
Clymene · 19/09/2020 23:48

I'm so sorry your mum wouldn't have felt proud of you for what you e achieved. But you should be proud of you. You've achieved a huge amount.

Heffalooomia · 20/09/2020 00:08

She's jealous😡
how dreadful😡
I am always absolutely delighted at any and all successes that my children have, I want them to be as happy as they can be possibly be
I wish you every success and every happiness 🦋🙏🦋

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