Am i pressuring this friend?

[Monopolydread]

I have a friend I see every month or two (we don't live very close together). It is me who instigates meeting, mainly me who travels and I don't mind this. She is one of my favourite friends and its always lovely to see her. She has had a very difficult few years and experiences depression. On this basis I make an effort to keep in contact, send occasional text, even though she often doesn't reply.

I know from past occasions she struggles to reach out if feeling bad. But recently I wonder if I am putting pressure on her. I don't know whether to keep issuing occasional invites.

It doesn't sound to me like you are putting pressure on her. When she doesn't reply it doesn't sound like you're pushing it. If she suffers from depression it's probably a comfort for her to know that you are there.

What is she like when you meet - can you see from her body language and micro movements that is she delighted to be with you - does she warm up and leave the catch up refreshed?

More importantly do you?

What do YOU get out of catching up with your favourite friend?

What makes you think you might be pressuring her OP?

I always have a nice time and it feels like she does too, usually we talk a bit about the serious stuff, but always a laugh too.

What makes you think you might be pressuring her OP? - mainly that its always me making the contact. I suppose my self esteem is perhaps not quite robust enough to not raise questions about that.

God I wish my friends made more of an effort with me instead of being scared off by my mental health problems. I have a friend who I sense is distancing themselves and I don't know how to stop it happening. Its ver hurful.

You sound absolutely lovely op. I would assume she is very grateful and if you are having a laugh while also talking about deeper stuff it sounds like a great friendship. You don't pressurise her by constantly demanding to meet so don't worry.

You do sound lovely.

I think there is nothing wrong with being the one to initiate contact but other people can take that for granted. You May have just got i to a pattern where you initiate contact and meet ups. I have found that I'm not happy with that dynamic so it's up to you whether you continue with that. There is nothing wrong if you do and I have read nothing to suggest you are pressuring her. Personally I have taken a step back from friendships where I am making all the effort to give them a chance to initiate contact because it bothers me to feel I'm doing the running around.

It’s great that you can see and feel that you both get something out of the meet ups.

What I have started doing is having an agreed date and time for a friend like this - so 2nd Tues of every month. Then it’s a transaction, already in the diary and no one is chasing anyone else. That might help?

I think offering the occasional invite is definitely ok.

So I’m very much like your friend. And I have a friend that is like you. I NEVER feel pressured when she reaches out, I actually welcome it cause otherwise I’d slip into my dark hole and never communicate with anyone. So keep reaching out. You will know if she feels pressured but you are doing her a huge favor. You are a great friend.

Thank you for the replies. As nice as it is to be told I sound nice/good friend etc, she has been there for me when I have needed it.

More generally like someone asked, I am always the one to suggest meeting up with several friends these days and maybe that doesn't feel great. But it hasn't always been me, maybe these things change depending on life circumstances.