Problems with my brother

[fluffball888]

Hello everyone,
I do not understand my brother. We have not spoken for years . We fell out when our parents died and he was a very cruel uncaring person. The problem is every year without fail he sends me a birthday card. I am now extremely fed up with this, whenever I try to ring, email etc he does not respond yet continues to send a card with only his name at the bottom. I do not know if it is guilt of the way he broke my parents hearts or he is just doing it to annoy. What should I do? If I just put them in the bin it continues. Thank you so much for reading.

Hi Sammylady37,
Gosh, you seem to have gone through exactly the same, isn't it awful.? I cannot understand why people behave like this or what they get out of it. Thank you for advising not to return it or ask him to stop. I know now that this is the way forward and I will ask my husband to shred it on arrival. How calculating to omit your significant birthday. Really, I cannot understand how some people function. It is so cruel and dreadful. Do you still receive the card despite never acknowledging it? Its so very cruel.

Yes, after the significant birthday with no card, I got cards for subsequent birthdays. It’s very petty. It’s all about control for them. Poking you to get a reaction- that’s why it’s so important to not give him one. People like him love to think they’re upsetting you. Your indifference is what he fears. And it’s also about giving them the victim narrative in their own heads. “I always sent a card, even though Sammy never acknowledged it, I kept sending them” etc. That’s bullshit as you well know, but they think others will fall for it, and unfortunately some do. All you can control here is what you do and how you react, and I’d recommend binning it/having your husband bin it, and getting on with your life. There’s a reason you don’t have contact with this person, don’t give then headspace too. My sibling brought nothing but toxicity and stress to my life, hence my going no contact with them. And my life has been immeasurably better since I did that. Chucking a card into the bin once a year takes only a few seconds.

Hi Sammy,
You write such good sense. I read your message and I thought yes, you have said what I struggle to put into words. You are completely right in everything and we obviously have trodden the same path. I will keep your message on my phone as you have written exactly what I feel but can't express. Thank you for such good and helpful advice.