So sad

[dippyegg32]

I posted the following about my own relationship on another thread about what couples do to connect. Since writing it I've felt so sad. My marriage has nothing in it apart from two children (the eldest being mine from a previous relationship). There's nothing between us. I'm so desperately lonely. I don't even have many friends or get on with my family.

Here is my copied post

This thread has opened my eyes...

Dh and I have separate rooms.
Go to bed at different times.
We watch tv in separate lounges in the evening.
Go days/weeks without texts.
Don't share hobbies.
Don't share friends.
Don't kiss or cuddle.
Have sex about 4 times a year but mechanically.
Last went out the two of us August 2019.
Last went away the two of us June 2018.
We talk about the children.
We do things with the children.
We argue about everything.

I'm 32, he's 40. Together 9 years.

I feel so sad. He went out last night to celebrate his birthday with friends (still not back but hey).

I want to be happy and for someone to enjoy my company. I'm quite shy but I'm kind, polite and fun. My kids love me but not sure anyone else does.

Sorry you are feeling do down. It sounds like you have literally no interest in each other.

Would you go to couples counselling?

Do you think you might be a bit depressed?

Do you do have fun together as a family?

Still not back at 10am the next morning? Where was he until then? X

You're so young to settle for this. Have counselling, either together or alone, but don't accept this as a life.

You would be better off having some counselling alone. Why don’t you get on with family - is he an issue? I don’t have a good relationship particularly with my siblings but I’ve come to understand that’s more then and their issues and not my fault but I do get on with my parents and children. Lockdown must have been sad. I feel your loneliness

That definitely is sad. It sounds like you don't enjoy each other's company any more? Do you want to save your marriage? If you don't, then I think ut's time for you to think about co-parenting. You're effectively doing it already. This is the main example your children will get about marriage and they might set their expectations on it.

OP that's really sad. You're young still, with a whole life ahead of you. Start preparing for a new life with someone who will cherish you and vice versa.

You could have written about me bar the fact that we only have one child. I'm utterly miserable. Stuck because I'm not at home in the UK and have no idea how to get out of this mess. No advice but know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I'm also 32 and feel like my life is over already.

That's it, I feel like my life's over. I'm just plodding along. I work full time and love my job; I'm "me" when I'm there iykwim. At home I'm just sad but put on a front for the children which is exhausting. He doesnt want counselling but yes, individual sessions might be a good idea.

Definitely have individual counselling OP, it changed my life! It puts you back at the centre of your life. It’s so empowering.