Does anyone else feel like this? I'm pathetic

[Nofty]

Been with DH for nine years, married for three. We have a lovely 4 yo DS. The relationship is very happy and affectionate on both sides. I love him very deeply and the physical attraction is still there. I am very lucky to have him.

But I still yearn for the "new" feeling of a new crush or new relationship, like when you first start going out with someone and you get butterflies and can't think about anything else. I was watching a TV show recently depicting a new relationship and I felt so jealous and sad because that part of my life is over.

It's pathetic because I know from experience that all relationships that turn long term eventually lose that "new" spark and you end up with something deeper and more stable. But I still can't help wishing for it.

I feel pathetic. Ffs I'm 35!!! Does anyone else feel like this?

I feel like this op . I am in my 30s and been with my partner for 9 years . The last few months I would say we have lost our spark . And I do wonder how amazing it would be to start all over again because of how you feel at the start . I think everyone goes through this at some point . You feel stuck in a rut and everything is routine. Have a chat with him and see if maybe once a week or month you could have a night just dating . It does bring back some excitement and butterfly's . Me and my partner done it for a while . Promised to do it every Wednesday but with work and what ever else we just slowly stopped doing it 😌 x

I dont think it helps that we are together 24/7 at the moment due to both working from home!

The butterflies is a nice feeling.

But it also comes with the downside of anxiety and worrying if they will call and if they like you and if they're also seeing anyone else and if it's all going to he over in the next 6 weeks...

I struggle with relationships for various reasons and have never had a relationship lasting more than a few months. So my relationships are always and only ever in the butterflies new and exciting stage. I would give anything for something more settled and dependable and 'real'.

Like okiedokie22 said, can you do something with your husband to revive that initial feeling? Difficult at the moment but something where you have to pull together or support each other or that gets the adrenaline flowing or makes you laugh? Something that will make you see the person you fell in love with all over again?

I have some friends who were together for over 30 years and they had very much fallen in to this rut where they were almost invisible to each other. Last summer, he had his head turned by a mutual friend. Nothing ever happened (we are all very close friends and I trust this) but the couple split up for a few months while they decided their relationship was over and tried to move on.

During this time, she really focused on herself - she behaved as though she were single. She lost weight, she stopped prioritising him in everything, she joined clubs and hobbies and really blossomed. Whilst he did similar. Got himself out of the rut he was in and started doing things again that he had become lazy about and rediscovered his passions. The OW wasn't really relevant and she and the wife remained close friends.

The couple had decided that their marriage was over. But what happened was, they each saw in the other what they had fallen in love with in the first place and their relationship is now back on track and they love each other more than ever. It's actually really lovely to see!

Not suggesting you do the other person bit!! But it was the fact they both started to see themselves and each other as individuals again that made the difference.

As someone married for 32 years I can tell you that all relationships have their ups and downs. There have been times when I could have cheerfully put DH under the patio and times when I have been bored stiff.
But it’s like sleepless nights with babies you have to keep going and eventually it ends.
It’s a funny time now and everyone feels unsettled but try and think about the good bits in your relationship. Nothing wrong with having a bit of a daydream about an actor you like just don’t say anything.

I feel terrible because honestly DH is brilliant.

I have the same feelings from time to time and all I have to do is read the relationship thread on Mumsnet to realise how lucky I am. There are often threads by people the same age as you, that do not have a stable relationship or kids, and believe they'll never have it. Their grief is deeper and more painful than your wistful longings for butterflies :-)

Oh I know. Its totally a "grass is greener" thing and tbh I was an insecure mess when I was single and "dating"!

Why don't you try a bit of controlled separation just to get that buzz of missing him and then seeing him again back? Go out somewhere for a day without him - even just for work?

Of course its normal to feel like this. Why do you think people have affairs? More often than not its the thrill, the newness, the passion and excitement.

I think everyone in a LTR feels that way.

35 is no age, but to an extent it's similar to part of a midlife crisis.

Let's be realistic though- crushes are pretty rare. I havent has actual butterflies from someone in about 6 years. And he didnt like me back. Usually dating goes between 'meh' and fucking horrible. And in the rare chance you find someone you like that likes you back (and isnt batshit) theres still no guarantee it's all lovely dovey hearts and butterflies. Sometimes it's just 'nice'.

I mean thinking about it crushes were mostly hideous weren't they

I'm romanticising it all based on TV shows and films and I know full well it isn't like that at all.

You sound like you have a wonderful relationship with a great guy. Your feeling is normal but that initial excitement does wear off and replaced by something so much deeper. I also have a wonderful relationship and you can’t bottle that contentment and certainty. Use your imagination - it’s still possible to create different kinds of excitement In Your relationship. Also a lot of TV is all fake - your relationship is real xxx