I think he might have a real problem

[IamnotsurewhattodoNCforthis]

I think my partner of 10 years might have a drink problem and I am unsure how to tackle it, or even if I am right.

On at least 3 occasions in the last few weeks he has come home from work drunk, at least I think he has, I can't smell anything on him, but just his behaviour is not right. The first time I came out and asked him and he denied it and said he was just tired as he was run down with a bad cold (we all had, had it) so I did give him the benefit of the doubt, the second time, he admitted he had been in the pub, which is not a major problem but he was in a state that I am not sure 2 pints would account for.

It has happened again tonight, he got home and said he was really tired, very physical job and just going to lie down for an hour or so, I left it for an hour and a half and tried to wake him up, he is in that sort of deep drunk sleep, where he won't wake up (he is safe) both of us like a drink, and I will say our consumption went up over lockdown, but I thought we had been making progress with cutting down to a sensible amount.

I am not sure where to go from here, I feel I have been lied to once and if he is addicted its only going to get worse, not to mention if he is drinking at work, him getting fired.

I am not sure might be important information, so he works alone majority of the time, we have one DC (8), he either walks or catches public transport so not a danger (if he drove decision would be easier) I don't think he would get help and having a little knowledge of addiction there is no point threatening him, without going through with it. Tennancy is in my name and I can financially support myself. I love the guy, and up till this point has been a good partner and father, he has been so supportive with my mental health problems in the years we have been together, so I don't want to throw it all away, if possible. We also can't afford it and I am not sure where he is getting the money from, some has come out of our bank account, but its not enough.

Do I have any conversation with him, telling him I know he is drunk when he gets home and how do I start that conversation and where do I go with it?

Didn't want to just read and run. First of all, I hope your ok. I think you should just be really honest with him. Tell him how much you are worrying about this. If it's not alcohol, he may be unwell with depression or something similar. I was with somebody many years ago who had a drink problem and lived in blinkers for a good few years. If he has got a problem, getting him to accept it is the hardest part xx

You definitely need to talk to him, be really honest and see how far you get with him opening up. The trouble is, once people have become addicted, they tend to adopt an angry stance of denial which is all but impossible to break through.

You say you both like a drink. If you are worried he could be addicted, I think you need to stop drinking with him immediately and not bring any alcohol into the house from now on.

Most of all, look after yourself and your dc and, if this is an addiction, remember the 3 C’s: you didn’t Cause this, you can’t Control this, you can’t Cure this. I would get your ducks in a row and be ready to protect your dc, if need be.

Really good luck to you

Sorry to read this OP. You’ve had good advice so far. I agree, confront in a caring manner. You’ve noticed he’s drinking significantly more than usual and are worried about him. Be clear that in addition to being worried, this is also something you won’t tolerate long term.

Can he cut back / stop himself? Or would he benefit from chat with GP / online or phone support? Counselling?

Please take great care of yourself and DC. And trust your instincts - they’re rarely wrong.

Thank you all, he woke up just after midnight and I asked him, which he completely denied. I shall try and have another conversation with him tonight after DS has gone to bed and see where we are.

You say you both like a drink. If you are worried he could be addicted, I think you need to stop drinking with him immediately and not bring any alcohol into the house from now on.

I am happy to do this from now, I am trying to loose a bit of weight and last time I cut wine out of my diet completely I lost a stone and a half (with healthy eating as well)

We have gone from every night back in June to Friday and Saturday now, or at least I have