How do I accept him moving on?

[Jazzy87]

My husband left me 3 weeks ago, stating he was unhappy, transpires there was someone else involved. That has ended already and he's now dating someone that he met on tinder.
I am so desperately sad and I cannot move past this. He has done/said such awful things to me, I don't want him back, too much has happened for us to work through this.
I just wanted him to take some time and not did not expect him to be seeing someone else already.
We've been together for 12 years and have 2 beautiful children. They are the only reason I'm getting out of bed. How do I get past this and live my life?

he came over and was asking if I'm ok. Said I was very quiet.
Trying to make out that he is a lovely guy. He has to do this as much as possible, and constantly, as the moment he stops wallpapering over his faults, he'll have to actually come to terms with them.

He's not moved on at all. What's happened here is that he has done a really stupid, unpleasant thing, cheating on his wife and then going off with an OW. Then, it's become immediately apparent that it was a massive mistake, as the thing with the OW lasted a full five minutes. But admitting that would hurt his ego. So he's pretending that he's fine with it, and it was all a great idea.

This is the guy who falls flat on his face in the street and just jumps up again quickly and keeps walking to save face, even though he's got blood pouring from his nose.

You don't have to accept anything. Put his photo on the wall and throw darts at it.

Jazzy I can see your pride and fighting spirit emerge by not asking about his date and not giving him the satisfaction!! There is a sassy woman in there waiting to come out. Get your hair done, get some new clothes and after you’ve given yourself time to heal get yourself out there and have some fun with your friends xx

What an absolute sleaze bag of a man! His behaviour is terrible - does he have no self control or decency? Cheating and then shagging a woman from Tinder while still married within days of each other? That would be bad enough if he was a teenage student but I'm assuming he's at least in his forties.

Right now you are in shock but the magic time seems to be 3 months to start feeling much better. You are lucky in a way because his behaviour is so bad that you will start to go right off him. Try not to show him too much emotional reaction, as this type feed off that like seagulls following a fishing boat.

Ugh, what an old creep he is!

3 weeks is very early days. I have some tough, but effective advice. Avceot its going to hurt. Accept you are going to have a tough year, maybe longer. And go NC as much as you can. It gets better, you get stronger. And ine day, you'll feel free/ happier/ stronger. Its also ok to feel fucking furious. Its part of getting over it. If anyone tries to tell you anger is bad for you, ignore them. Or tell them to fuck off!! Good luck.

Thank you everyone for your messages of support. I'm feeling strong right now but I'm sure I'll wobble again. He started asking about what we were doing about the house, would I buy him out etc!! I completely lost my shit and told him I will not be going down without a fight, as if he hasn't taken enough from me!!

My husband did this . Was only gone weeks after 20 odd years and then I found out he was in multiple dating sites.
It utterly broke me but I didnt let him see it .
I'm still reeling a bit now if I'm honest after him leaving months ago ,but it does get easier .
Concentrate on other things that need sorting and push him and his cuntish behaviour to the back of your mind and you will get stronger day by day

I'm glad you're angry with him. Thats 100% what you should be feeling and will help you. How far can you go no contact with him? I.e. not knowing whats going on in his life? (and keeping it strictly business/ need to know). And vice versa. Hard to do at first, but it works. I went as far as to ditch his family and various friends. Might be a step too far for some, i realise. but for me it was 100% right rhing to do. And i hated them all anyway. I can honestly say after 2 years (we also have kids) i am much better. And grateful to be free of it all. And him.

Dear lord he's now trying to guilt trip me saying his new bit of stuff off tinder has given him the brush off because he's scared her off talking about what's going on with us! What woman wants her new man to moan about his wife!! I've told him he's scared her off being needy and weird!! What an absolute tosser

He is asking his wife to feel sorry for him because his girlfriend dumped him? OK. Right. Uh huh. Dickhead.

Op feel free to pm me, I had very similar. Just know you are not to blame. If it helps I'm in a steady ltr now and he's still scratching around on dating sites x

He had moved on long before you separated. Mentally he has probably been done with the marriage for months or possibly years so for him he was ready to jump into another relationship.

I promise this behaviour will ultimately make it easier to move on yourself when you are ready. I was devasted when my husband did the same. If he's talking about you buying him out and there's children, then I'm sorry to say this but you need to go to see a solicitor. They will all give you a free consultation and it's worth seeing several so you can get a really good idea of your rights and what might look like fair.

I am planning on getting advice from a solicitor. I just have absolutely no idea where to start though. This is all so quick, he's only been gone for a month x

I want to give you a hug!!! I felt exactly the same way when my marriage ended. Clearly my ex had ended the marriage in his head months before it actually ended. It felt like a whirlwind.

Once you see a solicitor (and I'd really get several free consultations, no harm in getting several perspectives) you'll have a better idea of where to start. The right solicitor will spot the situation you are in, be extremely empathic towards that and be able to offer lots of practical ideas about what they'd do if you hired them.

Sorry you are going through this. Try to cut communication to just about dc it’s torturing yourself here about his dates and he’s cruel discussing it with you

Try and do little things for yourself in the evening when you feel lonely. Call a friend for a chat have a long soak in the bath

That's good advice - I use an app for communicating schedules etc with my ex. It's called 2Houses. I love it, keeps everything focused and respectful and about this children.