Tips for preparing for life after breakup

[Ballstothis148]

Hi all

Changed username as this is depressing. My life is so sad and tragic (literally... a lot of deaths, redundancy, poor physical health, but no dependents). Im in a sort of fine (sometimes terrible) relationship with an ok guy (sometimes incredibly bad). He is in constant contact with me and my “best friend” I guess...as in he’s made it so we spend all our time together.

I know I need to break up with him.

Please send tips for how to make cheery a newly single life. Ok meet ups with friends... but all my friends moved away during lockdown and haven’t come back. So... having routine? Having treats?

Is there anything you did/ bought that really helped after a break up? It’s the right thing to do but I still need something to make it less bleak.

Many thanks in advance for any tips

Oh FYI we live together and it’s a LTR so there’s a bit of logistics to moving out

A sometimes ‘fine’, sometimes terrible relationship with an ok guy....hmmm. Run for the hills right there. Being single is so much better! Believe me I have been there - and many others will come on here and say the same. You will have your own space, where you can do what you like, when you like. Decorate how you want. See friends - or not. Just be. Just be you. It’s fabulous. Do it. Do it today - you won’t regret it.

You're going to have time and freedom :) Obviously trickier with covid, but there is so much in the world that you can do. What did you used to enjoy, that you hardly do anymore? What have you fancied trying? Who have you drifted away from because you didn't have time? Start to google and make plans.

Being single means rediscovering all the desires that got squashed away during a relationship. It means joyfully coming back to yourself.

You need to Focus on what makes you happy. Join a gym,volunteer, meet new people and build up a new social life x

Freedom = the ability to find a really great man for future happiness.

Exercise helps in breakups gets rid of the emotional tension and makes you feel good. Have a spa day, do things that make you feel good, have a new haircut, treat yourself to some new clothes. Do some volunteering to keep yourself busy and make you feel good about yourself. A new hobby perhaps to meet new people. Think of it in a positive way - a new start! Good luck

Such good suggestions! Echoing all of the above. Buy new bed linen and revel in making your own bed absolutely your own. Plan catchups with friends and so on to keep your diary busy. Make a playlist of uplifting powerful music.

OK this is what I did..it was a terrible time of my life, but I look back on it now with fondness for how I brought myself 'back to life'

here's what I did:

I bought new bedding and a few cheap new cushions and throws to change the look of my bed and sofa to make it 'mine' I also changed where the furniture around- putting my bed against the wall for example which made me feel really 'safe' and cocooned.
I did a meal plan for the first few weeks with all my favourite foods and really looked after myself with that. (I still have that list off the fridge in my purse 15 years later as a reminder of how happy I felt to be free)
I spent a lot of time on the phone to my sister and then planned the evenings after work, some nights I met a friend, some nights I baked something nice to take to work the next day.
I would also spend a lot of time in bed (early nights are my thing) so I got new pyjamas. I would have dinner, a shower or bath, then head off to bed with magazines, snacks or a good book, or watch the soaps. (I would recommend getting into something like a soap- it's better than something you can binge watch all at once as it keeps you going through the week)
Weekends were a bit tough at first- especially Saturday night so I would often invite a friend round then - you could have a regular Saturday 'Strictly' night now it is getting going again.(or whatever is your thing)
Essentially I just treated myself really well- bought a magazine to read cover to cover in the bath was another treat.
I also took myself out for a coffee even on my own with my book on a Saturday or Sunday morning so I wasn't just always at home.

You'll love it! (after the first bit)

I've only just separated so reading with interest, I definitely need to learn to love myself again. God luck OP

I split with my “fine, sometimes shit” husband 2 years ago and my “fine but no spark boyfriend” 2 days ago.
1). Expect to feel sad. Not because the toaster is gone but because you realise the man you loved / relationship you were committed to never really existed and you feel you wasted your time.
2). Write down, before you split, exactly why you are leaving him. Refer to this whenever the “it can’t have been that bad’s” creep up on you
3). Music, try My Life by Billie Joel or Confidence or Sexy and I know it. Play them loudly and often
4). Do 3 things just for you. I got my hair cut, bought new bedding and revamped my knicker collection
5). Try out hobbies. You’ll need to fill your evenings until you get used to it just being you (I paint, read, binge watch box sets, do living room Zumba)
6) stop doing things you don’t want to do that you were only doing because it bothered him! In my case I stopped tidying out my car (just for a bit, I’m not a complete slob!)
7). Enjoy!! It really is a relief when they finally leave!