Feeling like DH is more like a friend

[Bemyhat]

My DH is amazing, friendly, attentive, attractive and an amazing dad.

Lately though we have lost our spark. We haven’t had sex for 6 months - which is unlike us. We’ve been together since 2006.

I’m beginning to feel like he’s more of a friend. When he kisses me it feels awkward.

What can I do? Do all marriages go through this? Is it the norm?

We’re both mid 30s (not sure if that’s relevant?)

Some marriages do and often it doesn't end well so you have done well to recognise it and want to do something.

Talk to him and start paying more attention to each other. Small things matter. Try and have some date nights and if possible have a night or two out. Buy yourself some new lingerie if it makes you feel nice and let him see it.

Bottom line in a sexless marriage isn't a good omen

You have been together since you were really quite young. Long term relationships can ebb and flow but I am concerned that even kissing makes you feel 'awkward' and you are still young so hormones would normally be still raging a little.Have you talked? You need to talk. You need to have a calm and loving conversation about thing and see what he wants and you need to think about what you want. xx

It's a very bad sign when the awkwardness sets in. It can be extremely difficult if not impossible to get it back once they start to feel like a friend/roommate/sibling.

He feels like a roommate! That’s exactly right.

I have no idea what to do next

There’s something you can both take to kickstart things again and get over that awkwardness.. people use it for the same reasons when socialising with new people too.. alcohol.

it’s over isn’t it just don’t waste the next couple of years waiting for something to change

My DH is amazing, friendly, attentive, attractive and an amazing dad.

Men like that don't grow on trees. Just look at the online dating threads

Give it your all to get the spark back before you give up.Then you can say at least you really tried. You have nothing to lose by doing that.

It's hard in longterm relationships as you don't see each other as sexual beings and especially with chldren, they become the focus. If you imagine another woman fancying your partner (you say he's attractive) and him reciprocating, would you be jealous? If not, perhaps it really is all over for you, but if you would be I think that means there is still a spark there you can reignite.

This book by Esther Perez, psychotherapist, may help:

"When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different?
In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them."
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0071M88DQ/ref=smiwwwrco2gosmig1285150262?encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&ie=UTF8&pldnSite=11_

Link to the book on Amazon.

https://www.blinkist.com/en/books/mating-in-captivity-en/preview?utmsource=gsn&utmmedium=paid&utmcampaign=8151157110&utmcontent=106873614171&utmterm=mating%20in%20captivity%20summarye456543493091ckwd-833001851442CjwKCAjw2Jb7BRBHEiwAXTR4jbf7whRpUDfhJ-DLDubkac6KkDEaTHk3qAMLpQLioceAia8PcnltQhoC3HYQAvDBwE&gclid=CjwKCAjw2Jb7BRBHEiwAXTR4jbf7whRpUDfhJ-DLDubkac6KkDEaTHk3qAMLpQLioceAia8PcnltQhoC3HYQAvDBwEwE^_^
^
Key ideas from the book. ^^

Wish you all the best OP.

Talk to him and start getting more physical. Long term relationships do go through phases, I think that’s OK. Try a date day/night of actually speaking to each other and having sex, even if it feels a bit awkward. Reconnecting mentally and physically could do the trick.

Option 1: go on as now and hope it changes
Option 2: Talk it through (maybe counselling if it helps) try and rekindle the spark you once had.
Option 3: split, have the children 50/50, both in your own places. You can do a bit of OLD if your missing the sex (when he has the kids). As you say he is an amazing dad remember they have a dad so probably best sticking to a quick bunk up while they're with dad for now (or you could get a cat).

If you do think you still love one another, I'd focus on trying to get the spark back. It may just be getting smothered by the general hassle of day to day living.

Me again sorry - lots of stuff on "Mating in Captivity" on YouTube if you want an instant idea of it all.