dh has a drink problem

[needhelphere]

yes i have namechanged

what do i do

found secret stash of alcohol before, now have done again
this should be here or in health?
very upset, dont know whether to confront or not.

Could you contact Al-Anon for advice on the best way to confront him and the best way to help and support him?

If you ignore it, it won't go away but I think there are probably good and not so good ways of confronting him

good idea, i have read related threads before, and i think they will help relatives etc as well as those addicted
thank you

its silly but hes being deceitful, and here i am thinking if i do that i am too.

What happened last time you found the stash? Did you confront him then?

Good luch BTW

My DH had a drink problem too and has now been sober for quite some time. How much is he drinking during the day? You probably know that it is unsafe for him to just stop, it can lead to fits.

Can you get him to the doctor? A referral to a community alcohol programme would help, some are drop in services. The AA are great, they have been a tremendous support to us.

I'm happy to talk to you anytime. It is a difficult time, I know

IU would be honest and say hey I found this bottle here. Do you know anything about it?

My Dad is an alcoholic and he used to hide a bottle of scoth in the basement in his workshop. When we were watching tell in the family room on the ground floor, we could hear and feel the bottle when he stuck it back up in the rafters (just under our feet). For ages he thought we didn't know what he was doing. And we never told him. What a stupid charade that was. I suppose it's funny now, but only because he doesn't drink anymore.

Al-anon will give you fantastic advice. I highly recommend it.

The Duchess, does your DH drink at all? I have recently split up with DP because of his drinking which has been like a third party throughout our 15 year relationship. He is now drinking much less but drinking nonetheless which has me very confused. Can alcoholics learn to drink moderately?

Sorry to hijack thread

He doesn't drink at all now. I don't either to keep him company. He owes all to the AA. The secret is to take each day as it comes and not to have that first drink.

Alcohol free life isn't so bad. It does wonders for your weight and watching others drink at parties is usually just funny.

Seriously though, my DH admitted he had a problem and helped himself. You can't do it for them but you can offer support of the practical and emotional kind. For example, it is dangerous to just stop drinking but as the drinker cuts down you can make sure that he has lots od sugary drinks to keep blood sugar levels up.

thanks ladies
have contacted al-anon
sadly there isnt a branch in my town, and i dont drive, but i have some phone numbers and will see what they say.

Good luck with it, I hope Al-anon can help from a distance. They are for the families/friends of alcoholics and absolutely brilliant at helping you even if your DH won't even admit he has a problem.
AA will be there for him when/if he does admit it.

Hope you get the help you need.

How is it going? did you speak to him about it? My DP has a big drink problem, he has had it for some time, I suppose it was me who didn't admit it!!?!? I used to just kid myself that some people do just drink until they literally fall over.

He binges for days and then stops, the thing that is difficult is the inconsistency. I haven't been to Alanon, what is it like? I feel a bit scared, I know every one does, do you have to speak or can you go along and listen?

hi, just seen this, it disappeared into all the threads im watching
had a lovely chat with al anon lady, told her i can get into nearest big town on bus sometimes.
she said come to the daytime meeting, dont worry about bringing ds, and dont worry if i don make the whole meeting
she didnt really advise re confronting, i told her he had lied an i was shocked as he is an honest person
she said even the most honest people can lie when they are in this situation
i did confront him, he he said he know he drinks too much. he also said what i found was just for a tot when he trouble sleeping. said he didnt know why he had hidden it, its now in the freezer
i feel better, but not really trusting , he also said he had 2 alcohol free nights last week to see if he could do it, and he did. i know as i was with him all the time.
i asked him last night , as he had 2 bottles of beer, and he said he was going to, but not last night.
bluespring , the people i spoke to sounded lovely, im sure you dont have to speak if you dont want to. its like a lot of situations, it helps even to know you are not the only one going through it
i told him i felt deceived and lied to, and i think it sunk in, not sure its resolved, communication is very important in a relationship, and its not one of our strong points, we need to really work on it.

thanks for your reply, that's encouraging. I think I need to find the courage within myself to go. My DP has lied to me often, from what I understand alcohol makes liars of all sorts of people.

The thing that concerns me more than anything is the effect on the kids, and I have to find the strength within myself to do the right thing; if that means asking him to leave then I have to follow through, but I think that support (from al anon?) will help me stay strong.

At the moment he is not drinking, and has been looking at the AA website, so hopefully he will go, the problem is I have to try really hard not to push him, as that just puts him off!