Am I mad or is my husband?

[Luz3]

I don’t really know where to start as it’s hard to put into words what my husband does but I’ll try, I have been grieving for 2.5 yrs for my little brother who passed away in a tragedy, now I have lost my Dad 3 weeks ago, my husband keeps getting angry with me over everything, tonight it was because I didn’t want sex, I would have thought it would be obvious why I didn’t I was crying into my pillow and looking through my phone trying to distract myself from pain.
It was midnight and I wasn’t speaking or anything, the whole house was asleep, it’s begins with huffing and puffing so I can hear something’s brewing, it’s a horrible nervous feeling that I get, shortly after he will begin to make comments such as ‘I’m sick of this this is bullshit’ for example he will put his hands on me and I will say ‘no not tonight’ last night without speaking he got up slammed open the bathroom door and banged around so it was clear he was angry, when I confronted him and asked what the hell was wrong, he starts to blame me for his actions, I really did nothing to him.
My husband is difficult in general this kind of thing happens a lot, he always says how much he loves me
, he has a good job and on the outside I suppose we look perfect.
I’m having a hard time explaining to friend how he makes me feel it’s very hard to pinpoint what he does, I know he should be being emotionally supportive right now while I do funeral arrangements but he acts like it’s an inconvenience to him.
We have between us 5 children, he’s also a good Dad.
When I get upset at him for it and shout back when I’ve had enough he calls me mad/crazy when I know it’s juat a reaction to being pushed so much.
I don’t know what to do this is such a bad time in my life and I feel as if I’m running out of strength, I don’t know if I imagine it or not

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and your dad in such a short space of time

There are a few red flags in your post about your husband's behaviour towards you. Please don't accept being shouted at/aggressive behaviours. It is NOT OK. You are right. He should be supporting you right now.

I have friends with sex mad husband's. some men seem to constantly want it. My friend was still recovering from childbirth when her so called partner demanded sex one morning. She said it stung.

Ofcourse you don't want to have sex when you are in so much pain emotionally. Firstly are you getting any support?

I think the only advice I can give any women who says her partner is controlling her or being selfish like this is always fight for yourself. Always stay true to yourself. You feel how you feel. One of my friends has given up the gym because her partner got paranoid. It's ridiculous. I've told her to get back to the gym and not let a man control her.

I think you need to tell your partner he needs to support you otherwise it won't work out. you deserve some help to work all this out. You've been through two huge losses. I'm so sorry he can't see how he is being. It's so common unfortunately. Men and their sex drives.

Abusing the dm actually makes these sort of men shit df's...
At 28 my ds still has therapy from living with such a man. We left when ds was 7..not soon enough..

Would like to offer my condolences re your late father and brother. Is there anyone else who can help you with the funeral arrangements or are you having to do all this solely?.

Your husband is not a good dad to his children if he treats you as their mother like this. What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here?. Would you want them as adults to be in a relationship like this, no you would not, it’s not good enough for you either.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing positive to write about their man. That is probably why you wrote that comment re him.

Words are cheap too, look at your husband’s actions. You describe him as difficult, I would call his behaviour towards you (and in turn your children) abusive. His actions are not loving ones, his actions are about having power and control over you. He is selfish and does not care about you or your grief at all. He sees you as his possession to have sex on. Blaming you for his actions too is another tactic that abusers do to their chosen target. Image is all important to abusers and they can be quite plausible to those in the outside world.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?. You have taken a small but significant step by writing about this on here. Please keep posting here too, you need a safe outlet.