Disclaimer: i do not think I am. However my recent ex has said this is why he ended our relationship. Be aware of my unconscious bias in the post. I think I'm asking because if I am, I need to change. Also this might be long!
So couple of examples:
The first time I was accused of being controlling was after an argument. I said i needed a particular thing, he said don't buy one i have a spare one you can have. I needed it by a particular time, he kept saying he'd bring it round, but then excuses and delays. In the end i didn't get it before i needed it, he admitted he'd lied that he'd get it to me in time. I was annoyed and vented, we argued. He said i was being controlling of his time. That I was trying to control him. After that a pattern was established, he did what he wanted, if i got annoyed I was trying to control him.
During (strict) lockdown we lived together. I wfh, he worked shifts as keyworker, erractic hours. He was also doing top up shopping for his elderly parents. I didn't agree with the amount of shopping his parents required, ie every other day. But their choice. Once lock down eased I found out during lockdown he'd spent a whole day with multiply family members. To me he lied, he said he didn't, he just didn't tell me (genuinely don't know when this happened, so think it was a day when i thought he was at work). The reason he didn't tell me was I'm controlling him by expecting him to follow lockdown rules.
Next, lockdown eased so he was back at his house. We went out with a couple of friends, after one drink I felt unwell. Tried my best but needed to go home. I was going to stay at his, my car was there, so i called a taxi , tried to quietly slink off and said i'd go home and he should carry until whenever. He thought I was creating a scene by doing this, refused to give me his house keys, in the end i stayed and took myself off to throw up every so often. I was controlling him by asking for his house keys.
Apparently its not just direct control of him but also control of my environment. So I'm quite tidy and like things to have their place. That means I'm constantly tidying, moving stuff back to where i think it should be. I've tried to be more relaxed with this. Again apparently controlling. For example if he had a carrier bag of sweets and crisps, that if he left in the middle of the living room floor, he thinks it should still be there the next day, whereas i'd move it into the kitchen.
Finally, I didn't approve of the amount of fizzy drinks his kids drank when they stayed with us/him. His 8 year old would often have over 4 cans of full fat coke a day. I think that's wrong and wouldn't hold my tongue on that one. Guess what the response was...
I think I've lost all perspective on it. I'm being told I'm something that i don't recognise in myself, yet the person I love is telling me this how i am