Ex and contact with children

[Givemeabreak88]

My ex has contact every other weekend for the day, no over nights, he will see them for the day take them out and bring them back, that’s it every 2 weeks, this was his choice. He does not call to speak to them at all during the 2 weeks, is this normal? Does your ex contact the children during the time he doesn’t have contact? They are not babies/toddler so old enough to have a conversation about their day etc?

Delbelleber They don’t ask to call him, I think it’s on him to maintain a relationship when he is not with them, I do think if he called them they would ask to call him but right now they probably don’t think they can, they are aged 10 and under so don’t have their own phones yet.

My ex does exactly the same. He used to see dc every week on a Sunday but then wanted me to deliver them to him, so he didn't have to drive. I do everything else, so I said no.

Ds is not bothered by his father's absence which is sad.

My ex is the same - he sees DD every Sunday for 3 hours , and that’s it. Occasionally phones. Pays no maintenance. He’s more like an uncle/big brother figure really , fun times, McDonalds, trip to a park or something. Or cinema (when they were open). Definitely not a parent. But he’s never going to change or take any real responsibility.

You drive yourself crackers trying to understand rhus stuff.

The kids will be used to tgat small amount of contact but their bond will be with you..

One of the tjings i figured out about my ex is that he had stopped listening to anything i said when married he isn't going to listen now.

It is tough though op

GaraMedouar that’s how I think of him, more of a big brother, he doesn’t even take them to fun places because the cinema is “too far” he takes them to the same park that they are bored of as apparently 2 buses Is too far, he won’t take them anywhere that isn’t in my immediate area that requires no travelling as he doesn’t drive.

Does he work and pay support? When you broke up did you suspect an OW?

It sounds like the dc are way too much work for him..they don't featured too much in his life. I doubt you can guilt him into having them more.

I know it must be tough a can't imagine the workload of 4 dc but not sure you can change it. Longterm you will benefit from your relationship with them.

Sadly there are many parents, often men, who will only see children if it suits them.

He doesn’t see them more because he’s a lazy arsehole, a shit father and a shit person.

It’s not any thing you have done or the kids have done.

What do you mean - “he may ask me how they are”? Are you having contact with him during the week and if so, why? Surely the only times you need to communicate with him are to arrange pick up / drop off?

How is he going to take them to the park for a whoLe day in the winter?

Techway
He pays £7 a week as he doesn’t work apparently, but I suspect he does cash in hand work. I do agree that I think they are too much for him, my oldest has autism and it’s quite clear he can’t cope with her, if he had it his way he would see them in my house and never take them out at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if he left me for another woman he literally just left me pregnant and disappeared, he didn’t want me to keep the youngest and basically told me to have an abortion or he would leave, so he left, didn’t see him for over a year.

ALLIS0N he has texted occasionally to ask how they are or when they went back to school he text to ask how their first day back was. I’ve expressed my concerns about the winter as I’ve actually wondered this myself, what about the bad weather and the cold, it’s not a realistic plan going forward and there isn’t any places locally he can take them that is inside that doesn’t require any travelling, I don’t want them standing in the park in the rain or in the freezing cold, I think he is hoping he will be let into mine, like I said I honestly believe he would like to see them at mine and not take them anywhere. That would be his ideal. Knowing him he will probably ask to cancel contact if the weather is bad.

No he's got no job, no decent living arrangement, no car and no idea how to be a dad.

Doesn't look good.

I really feel for you but I would consider yourself a lone parent and concentrate on building your life and trying to find a decent babysitter. Because let's face it, this man is never going to play his part in their upbringing.

best of luck to you.