Why do you think I never feel comfortable with men?

[CakesRus3]

10 years seperated from my dc's father. Dated on and off over the years. Had periods of time on my own. Building a new life for me and dc's. Building a career. Making new friends. Trying to discover what I enjoy and what I don't. Read lots of self help books re self esteem, boundaries, etc. I feel that I'm pretty ready to find someone to share my life with. I'm open to love. I think anyway.
I just never feel relaxed. I have no clue why.
Anyone feel the same? I put it down to lack of connection, comparability but 10 whole years later....I just want to relax.

What was your childhood/relationship with your father like?

I sometimes feel anxious with men due to my father having an unpredictable temper. He wasn't particularly violent, just stroppy maybe.

And your ex of course- might he have effected how much yoou can relax around men?

I trust them as friends, but not in a relationship. I could never relax either.

My dad was in and out of my life as a teen due to my parents divorce. He was also emotionally unavailable I guess. Not a great role model. My step dad was a not so nice man, lots of emotional abuse. My ex husband was very emotionally unavailable too.
When I first started dating, I noticed I would need validation quite alot. 10 years on, I have definitely improved on not needing this and able to feel comfortable validating myself. I just feel so uneasy being myself. Even just having a meal, going for a walk, natural things. I was with someone for 7 months, going back a few years. I look back and think I knew the reasons why I felt uncomfortable. Anyway he has reappeared and we have met up a couple of times. I feel it again. I just can't relax and be me. I don't think I ever will.

It doesn't sound like your mum had very good experiences with men, could that have something to do with it too, do you think?

What was your childhood/relationship with your father like?

As stated above

Maybe. I did with my ex husband.
Never felt relaxed since.