Struggling with long-distance relationship

[eyebrowsofinstagram]

Hi there, I'm just wondering how those of you in a long distance relationship cope.

My partner lives 60 miles away. We both have young children, so we are a bit constrained when we can see each other.

We've been together for nearly a year and it has been totally amazing. But now I'm disappointed and disillusioned with how infrequently we're seeing each other- and exhausted with what feels like a mind-fuck of being really happy for one weekend followed by two weeks of struggling on alone, followed by another happy weekend, then two more weeks of being lonely.

I really don't like it. Also maybe related to my low mood is that he's making less effort now, which pisses me off, meaning that I'm in a bad mood at the start of our weekend together.

Feeling really low about the whole thing now. I'm planning to have a talk this weekend about it. I'm at the age and stage in life that I do not want to be moping around pining after someone.

I had a long distance relationship for eight months. He was based in another country but travelled a lot, including to my area. We didn’t see each other on a fixed routine, it was more sporadic due to his work, but it was regular, we might have a week together at one point but then another time might not see him for two weeks.

I managed quite well to be honest, we were in touch throughout each day and I certainly was not miserable in between our meet ups. However neither of us wanted it to be forever and we discussed how and when we would combine our lives. Then he ended it anyway so that was that.

But I would say, what made it manageable was that we had discussed the future and how we would be together, have you had that kind of conversation yet?

Well that's partly why it's been so great- we've been really serious from the beginning about the fact that our future is together no matter what. I was really chilled and relaxed as I thought no point in rushing it all- just enjoy our lives as they are.

But now I'm feeling shit - mainly because I barely hear from him in between the 2 weeks now- whereas he used to make a massive effort every day

I know how you feel OP. I was in a LDR for over a year and it started off fine - quite enjoyed the time to myself between visits - but it started to wear thin towards the end.

Same as you, it felt like such little time together compared to apart. People would say to me "oh but wouldn't it be nice to be with someone where you're able to go for an impromptu dinner or cinema" and that hit home.

Ultimately I accepted it was making me more miserable than happy and he backed out of our agreement that he moved to me.

If your agreement is that youre moving in together in the near future, have a conversation about his effort and make it work. Otherwise, call it a day - I've learned life is too short. Good luck!

You probably don’t want to hear this but it sounds like he is losing a bit of interest in the relationship. If it’s gone from hearing from him every day to hardly at all you need to talk and find out what’s going on. This relationship isn’t making you happy x

I have exactly the same relationship.
I have young children and have one weekend free a month. Great weekend and then nothing until following month. It is really hard.
I have done it for a year and now really struggling. Thought of ending it since will not get any better

Mine is also losing interest and has other weekends with friends and ex wife and kids.... its hard going

@DundeeDiva

I get that totally. Starts off great...then wears thin and in my case burning out

Why are you living apart? Is there no prospect of either of you moving closer or moving in together?
Have you talked to him about how you feel? Perhaps there’s something going on eg work that’s causing him to be a bit distant?

I’d try scheduling date time where you FaceTime or talk on the phone and it’s non negotiable. Or both watch the same tv show/film at the same time and text each other about it. Or read the same book.

Ultimately if you want a future with him give it some extra effort and see how it goes. If this feels like the beginning of the end then maybe just cut your losses. Life is too short

Well that's partly why it's been so great- we've been really serious from the beginning about the fact that our future is together no matter what

I don’t understand how you could have known this from the beginning? Was he love-bombing you perhaps? Or were you both just being a bit unrealistic in the first flush of the relationship, and now it’s fizzling out?

At first you we’re communicating during the two weeks between visits but now he isn’t anymore. Sounds to me like he’s losing interest.

I’ve been in a few LDR, one before cell phones (I’m old 😝) and we wrote letters at l A least twice a week. When the letters and calls dropped off was when I found out he’d met someone else.

The other LDR we takes every night for over a year until he started restricting when we could talk. Found out he was emotionally cheating near the end.

LDR are tough. Some people have to be engaged with their partner regularly else they get bored or the feelings dry up and they find someone closer to them.

@eyebrowsofinstagram

Well that's partly why it's been so great- we've been really serious from the beginning about the fact that our future is together no matter what. I was really chilled and relaxed as I thought no point in rushing it all- just enjoy our lives as they are.

But now I'm feeling shit - mainly because I barely hear from him in between the 2 weeks now- whereas he used to make a massive effort every day

If you barely hear from him in between the weekends and there's no proper supportive relationship, he clearly sounds like he's just in it for the sex and no strings fun. Doesn't sound like you're both on the same page at all and he was probably just saying all that stuff during the early lustful stage. Remember men are not women - they show how they truly feel through their actions, not words. No need for "conversations" or "discussions" when he's already telling you loud and clear. Just end it. You deserve so much better than to be used by someone for some convenient sex.

DH and I were living in the same place when we met but then we both moved so had a LDR for two more years. Tbh, I think it’s only works long term if you’d both ready to make a commitment to be together at some point. We kept in touch for about a year with frequent visits, then got engaged. It took another year to get everything sorted and actually move in together, but the commitment was there.