Waiting for the other shoe to drop

[Hutchy987]

Hi ladies,

Just looking for a bit of advice on how to relax into a relationship and trust that it will be ok.

I was married for a few years, I’m mid 30s, but my husband checked out entirely and I suspect there may have been someone else though this was never confirmed.

After that the first relationship I had was with a narcissist, I struggled hugely, it messed with my head, he was quite abusive but thankfully that’s done.

I’ve now met a lovely man, we’ve been seeing each other for a few months, have made it ‘official’ and spend a few nights a week together. He’s open, honest (from what I can tell) I’ve met his brother, and he seems like a genuinely good man.

My problem is that somewhere inside I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m scared that this is too good to be true, that meeting someone I actually like who is honest, caring, funny, and dynamite in bed can’t be real. If it doesn’t work out because we discover we’re different then that’s fine, what I’m scared of is that he’ll turn into a narcissist (he’s shown no signs) or that he’ll just disappear or cheat with someone else (again no signs).

This is 100% my own insecurities and most of the time I’m fine, there’s just that fear in the pit of my stomach.
How do I shut it down?

I don’t think you need to, or should, shut it down, OP. You are only a few months into this relationship - too early to know if this is an abuser love bombing you to hook you in, or a genuinely good man.
I would just accept that you have these feelings and concerns - own them, but don’t let them take you over. And wait for time to tell you whether they were justified or not.
In another six months to a year, if your partner has continued to be decent and loving, the feeling of worry will have declined naturally, from lack of any evidence to justify it. But alternatively, if red flags appear, you will be well placed to recognise them from your previous experience.