Am I over reacting emotionally?

[HerNameWasEliza]

My son started secondary school nearly 2 weeks ago. I what sapped my dad a picture and he's not responded to it. I am feeling really hurt but wondering if the problem is my expectations?

For context, my dad has 6 grandchildren and 5 step children. He lives with his wife in her country
We see him maybe once a year. He has not always been the best father and does not show much emotional care ever. 2 years ago I was rushed to hospital with sepsis. He knew as I told the family via WhatsApp and he did send a short message but he never called and much later when I said I was hurt he just said he'd been busy. I know I could have called him and I do sometimes but I sort of wait for him to show an interest as it so deflating when you say something important to your dad and they seem so disinterested. Anyway, query really is whether it is in fact quite normal not ton respond to whatsapp messages like this one. My dad is just retired from IT btw. He knows how to fully work a smart phone!

I'm not planning to say anything to him or make a big drama. Just wanting to check my own assumptions.

Send it again and see what the response is

I think its normal not to respond to a photo of starting school.

I don't think it's normal to react so disinterested in serious illness/going into hospital.

Ah thank you! I'm not into social media to any degree at all so feel very out of the loop re the developing norms and expectations. Ita good to hear others perspectives. I don't think I'll send it again as he'd assume a messaging glitch on my part and wouldn't pick up any other message!

The hospital thing sounds uncaring and hurtful The picture, well it could just be a forgetting to reply thing but it doesn't show massive enthusiasm does it. I know a bit what it's like. My dad was fairly uninterested in family stuff and never once initiated contact once I left home. He always left it to my mum which could be a generational thing? He was very self-centred though. He didn't mean to be hurtful but was happy with minimal contact and on his terms.

Maybe I should add that he's not responded to anything I've put on whatsapp for the past 2 months. I do t post much so it's not that many texts, maybe 4 in total. The new school thing particularly got to me though. I think there is a leaving it to the women thing but he met his wife when I was in my 20s and she has been really hurtful to me in the past and he knows that hurt me and my relationship with her is now polite but v distant and for his benefit only. Perhaps he is so oblivious that he hasn't processed that he's the only person who can respond as I'm sending things to him, not them!

You're not wrong. The 'correct' answers when sense such pics are 'aww how cute' 'looking very smart' or 'where has the time gone?' etc etc and the person could reply with that when they have a free moment. I bet others managed it, even acquaintances if you posted it on FB or somewhere. I have autistiic traits and even I would have this idea of how to reply.

I think its normal not to respond to a photo of starting school.

@tinkerbellvspredator It's really not, especially from the child's grandad. Even if a friend sent me a pic of their kid starting school I'd say something nice. Its just good manners. Acknowledging receipt as much as anything.

@HerNameWasEliza The illness thing- that's obviously even worse. Some people aren't as 'chatty' as others I suppose, but it's still hurtful. xxx

*sent such pics

Maybe you could try using texting instead, or ask what way of messaging people he uses most often? I don't use WhatsApp much, so can easily miss something there, which I find really embarrassing. You could txt and say you've sent the pic. Then ask him if there's some other method of messaging he uses more. Worth a go.

He should have responded to both your messages. IMO. I can overcome people being hurtful to me but when it comes to my kids I wouldn't be able to forgive. I wouldn't send anything else.