This seems almost ridiculous but my exh of 20 yrs left with the OW 4 years ago. It was all very traumatic at the time. He moved 150 miles away within a week, gave up his job so he doesn’t have to pay maintenance and hasn’t seen our now 17yr old daughter in that time. He’s seen our now 20yr old son 5 times.
He became pretty cruel and nasty, especially over the finances but especially personally to me. Highlight include it was nice to have sex with someone who hadn’t had children, no one would ever want to see me naked, i was emotionally controlling, a leech, never loved me, I poisoned the kids etc etc etc. He put all this in court papers for the financial side which was completely irrelevant but god it was hard holding my head up at times. Not sure I could have felt more humiliated. It all destroyed me inside , somehow you end up believing it’s all true, I questioned everything I was, and it has taken me 4 years to drag myself up to a place where I’m happy again.
We are poor but we’re good, and I’m lucky to have 2 kind, sweet and generally great kids. I’ve very very tentatively become close friends with a lovely guy and it’s heading in a romantic direction (has taken a year, because I had no confidence and he’s very patient!!)
We haven’t had much contact since the divorce, as he never replied to things about the kids so I gave up. I don’t hate him, what’s the point ? I refuse to be bitter about anything just remain bewildered that a previously involved dad could do this to his kids.
My Dd has struggled and had counselling but I’ve always encouraged her to have contact.
So this summer he finally said the right things to her in texts. She was coming round to the idea of meeting up with him. Then he invited both of them to come and stay with him and the girlfriend for a week this summer. Both of them felt this was a bit 0-60mph as neither have met her and Dd hasn’t set eyes on him for 4 yrs. I told them to do whatever they feel comfortable with. So they both politely refused.
He was obviously hurt, and in revenge wrote a 10 page email about how awful I was, all the terrible things I did (including apparently once phoning the council for help with housing when he had another affair when I was pregnant with Dd - 17 yrs ago) This was proof I never loved him ? How he only let me move in with him to stop me being homeless, how I trapped him by getting pregnant etc. The whole thing was vile. The kids were devastated and angry. They say he’s trying to take away their happy childhood as well as everything else. And it was happy, I’ve fought my head to remember the good times. So they’ve both cut him off permanently.
I never wanted this. Dd is sinking back into depression and anxiety again and this is her A Level year. Ds back at last year at uni, seems to be drowning his feelings in drink☹️.
I just feel totally shit again, just like I did when he left and feel helpless to support the kids.
I’ve shut the new man out because I can’t deal with how I’m feeling.
Why the hell does he still have an affect on me ? I feel nothing for him but forgave a long time ago. I don’t get why he hasn’t moved on.
So sorry this is so long, feel stupid for still struggling with this.