Is it normal for DP to go back to family home to look after DC?

[mell26]

Hi MN

It's early days, we've been together a few months but very certain about each other. He's been amazing at making time for everyone and being understanding towards me. DP isn't married and has a DC 3 years old and he left family a year ago for the best for DC as the relationship wasn't healthy. Mother is working full time now furlough finished and DP has mornings free so he will be going to old family home to get DC ready for nursery and take her. Today he was there and called me a few times to check in on me because I think he knew I may feel uncomfortable about it. He's currently staying at a friends house and is waiting to move into his own place. He keeps reassuring me once he has his own place, DC will be at his place and he won't have to keep going to old family home.

My ex comes to my home to see our ds. Mainly because we live 85 miles apart and otherwise, they would have to spend hours hanging around pizzaexpress, library etc, which even before Cv19, wouldn't have been much fun.

As it is, he comes to us, and I go out or mow the lawn or get my hair cut etc. I get fed up with it sometimes but the alternative is my ds having to spend hours on a motorway, which would be miserable for him.

It's the lesser of two evils.

My dh did it for a while. He did it because he genuinely didn't want to rock the boat with his ex who hadn't wanted the split and was finding it hard, so he went back to the house like yours in the morning to let her get off to work and he sorted the kids out, and because he thought his kids would be happier playing with him in the house and garden they knew and not in the small, not very nice top floor flat he was renting.

I can see why they thought it was a good idea in the short term, but it dragged on for almost 2 years because he still didn't want to rock the boat and upset anyone and only really stopped when he and I got together. Then of course the change was associated with me and it was all a mess. I suspect it was a mess before then anyway, it wasn't a clean break and I'm not sure the kids really understood why he was there sometimes and not others.

It is tricky though if he's not in a new house of his own. Just seeing your dad in McDonald's or the park is not much fun either.

I think I’m the circumstances it’s understandable if it’s for a limited time and he can’t have his child where he’s staying. I’d want to know the end date on it though so that it doesn’t go on forever