Cocklodging and Coercive abuse

[Confusedofthehouse]

Long time lurker but this is my first post. I need some input from the hive but don't feel I could cope with AIBU. I think Relationships might be a better sector for this.
We have a family member (FM for ease) who we are sure is under the control of their partner. Prior to this partner coming into her life I thought there was a nice group of family and friends going on.
There was some worry shortly after this new man arrived on the scene. The house and car are hers. She works but he does not seem to work much if at all. So this would fit the cocklodger (CL for ease) viewpoint on MN.
He did nothing in the house, didn't do housework or help with her DCs he does not appear to have any. This meant that she was constantly under pressure to find babysitters who would mind DCs at their house when previously the DCs where looked at her house. Any decisions in the house were over ruled. She would take X out the freezer for dinner but at dinner time he would want a take out. She has believed every word he says and expects him to be able to tell people what to do. Drink seemed frequent in the house where it was not before.
It looks like a lot of FM's friends and family are backing off. This may be what the cocklodger wants. FM was very stressy and constantly snapping at everyone apart from CL. It is now at the level of people giving up with her. No-one can see a way to deal with this because she FM will not allow anyone to speak against CL.
If anyone disagrees with what she says, which may have come from him anyway, she goes into a great huffy tantrum with the rest of us but never him.
Has anyone experienced having someone in this situation and what can be done about it? TIA

Read the Lundy book, Why Did He Do That? Should be an eye-opener. You can't force her to tell you what's going on. However, you can tell her you are there for her when she is going to need
You.

We all have someone like this in your lives.

The opening chapter of this book is a great read:
Power
amazon.co.uk/POWER-Surviving-Narcissistic-Collection-Narcissism/dp/1945796324&ved=2ahUKEwikqYzdkJXqAhWJQUEAHSVBDF8QFjAMegQIAxAB&usg=AOvVaw1ZCj-0LUkQfcT-QQGkUm_A]]

For more details:
How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1855942208/ref=cm_sw_r_em_apa_i_gxxAEbBTMRXTM?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

@Justtryingtobehelpful thank you I will try to get the books you recommended.
I want to be there for FM because likely this will go bad at some point, but it is hard to live with her stressiness and her constant criticisms. He does not say anything much to the rest of us but he comes through in the words she uses and the things she criticises.
Where do these guys get the idea that they can go about abusing people and passing that abuse further through family and friends.

OP, I listened this morning to the lecture of Bishop Larry Gaiters, although I am not religious - there were interesting information that a mature man would not move into a woman's house and expect her to work multiple jobs to feed him. He called this type of men - a child.

When I was younger I had men -child man fleeced off me without putting anything on the table. As women we have to stop these patterns of behavior and work on ourselves.

These types of men also like to isolate their prey from their friends and family.

I wish I had heard that. I know that woman need to value themselves a lot more and get rid of these characters. These characters are just no good spongers on the womens' good natures.
There have been another women in the family who have had the misfortune to meet these wrong guys. This is why I think it so strange that this FM has fallen for one like that.
I suspected that isolating the woman was what was going on so you have confirmed my thoughts. I wish I could do something to make FM see the reality but she listens to no-one but the partner.