Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why would someone say this?!

21 replies

ChelseaCat · 13/09/2020 09:43

At my parents a couple of weeks ago, had a lovely couple of days with them. As I was leaving my Mum (speaking about my baby) said “We love him so much you know. We love him more than you do”.

I was a bit taken aback at the time and was very literally walking out their door so I didn’t really address it, but it’s playing on my mind and still bothering me.

I don’t understand why you would say that to someone or what was behind the comment. There’s no massive drip feed - I generally get on well with my parents and am their “golden child”.

Would you bring it up now (bearing in mind it’s a couple of weeks ago) or do I need to just let it go?

OP posts:
Florencex · 13/09/2020 09:50

I would leave it now. I think it was a clumsy attempt at expressing how much they love their grandson and I don’t for a minute think they meant it literally.

Babdoc · 13/09/2020 09:51

If your relationship with her is normally good, and she has no issues of personality disorder, then she probably was just clumsily trying to find a way to express how much she adores her grandson.
I used to tell my DDs that I loved them so much I could eat them - but of course I didn’t mean it literally, it was just an indication of the intensity of feeling!
If it’s bothering you, mention it to her in a light hearted way. She will probably be horrified that her words upset you, and hasten to reassure you.

Dery · 13/09/2020 09:51

Tbh, unless your mum has a track record of saying things like that which is really beginning to wear you down - or starts to develop such a habit - I'd just forget about it.

It's a daft thing to say but I suspect she was just trying to convey how important he is to her. My PIL were thrilled beyond words to become grandparents - my DH is an only child so we are their only source of grandchildren and we met when he and I were both a bit older so they were in their late 60s/early 70s when our daughters were born. I remember them saying that our children had given them new meaning in life. And they have been terrific grandparents. (My parents were also thrilled but I'm nearly a decade younger than DH so hadn't had to wait so long!).

Pick her up on it if she says it again but if your relationship is good and she is shaping up to be a loving and hands-on grandmother, I wouldn't make a big deal of it now.

cheeseislife8 · 13/09/2020 09:59

In isolation I'd say its likely just a clumsy way of expressing how much they love him. She might even have come away thinking "Why did I say it like that??".
If that sort of comment becomes a habit then maybe, but for now I'd leave it

QuietSunday · 13/09/2020 09:59

I agree with the others.

I don't think she was doubting your love for him.

Like another poster said, i used to tell my children I loved them so much I could eat/squash them but I didn't mean it literally.

It's just a clumsy way of expressing how powerfully she feels about him.

Dancingboots · 13/09/2020 10:05

Just a way of saying how much they love your bub and you too. People say stuff all the time without meaning it to sound that way . My dds have little ones and I sometimes say things and later think oh shit I hope that didn’t sound bad, they knows I love the little ones and them to bits . Just clumsy speech In an attempt to express their love for you all.

SoulofanAggron · 13/09/2020 10:15

I think she just got carried away and something random came out of her mouth. It just means she really loves him. x

Belle1983 · 13/09/2020 10:17

I agree with the other PPs, if not a regular thing then probably best to just leave.
But, I do just want to sympathise with you @ChelseaCat and understand why it would be playing on your mind.
After 17 years of living away from home (300 miles) my parents have barely visited my home. I can't stay at theirs with my DP as they have never changed my childhood room (it's a single bed full of their stuff now) so we need hotels every time.
I just told them I was pregnant and they are already planning visits down- well meant I'm sure, but it's hurt like hell!

LemonTT · 13/09/2020 10:29

Sounds like a clumsy way of expressing that they love their grandchild in a different way from a parent. They are in the position to know there is a difference in being a parent to being a grandparent. Many grandparents express this view. That they enjoy grand parenting.

They are in a position to enjoy a baby in a different way. Without the stress of parenthood and to a certain extent unconditionally.

If you want to find out more then ask her how it feels to be a GP and if it is different to being a parent. Ask her if there are things she knows now that would have changed her as a parent.

GilbertMarkham · 13/09/2020 11:03

Weird replies here.

It's extremely inappropriate to say that; and white unnerving.

She can't possibly know if she/they loves your child more than you .. in fact without evidence that's the case (like neglect) it's highly unlikely .. and insulting to the parent.

Is she usually prone to weird verbal diarrhea?

QuietSunday · 13/09/2020 11:09

GilbertMarkham

I think that, given the OP said she normally gets on well with them.and there's no drip feed, people have tried to find 'reasonable' explanations for what her mum said.

Original poster
ChelseaCat · 13/09/2020 13:41

Thank you all for your replies. You’ve confirmed what I thought - likely a misjudged and inappropriate comment that had good intentions

OP posts:
category12 · 13/09/2020 14:23

When you say you're the "golden child" do you mean you have a sibling who has been given the role of "black sheep" and that dysfunctional family dynamic has played out throughout your childhood? If there's always been some fucked up family dynamics, then I'd be very wary of letting your parents continue that into the next generation, which this one-upping of who loves who more hints at.

If you're not referring to the golden child/black sheep dynamic, then not to worry.

Isadora2007 · 13/09/2020 14:48

Maybe it’s a clumsy way of saying it’s only love she feels for him whereas parents get the fed upness and frustration as well as the love...

pinkbonbon22 · 13/09/2020 14:51

I would just say it's a clumsy way of saying how much she loves him too . She probably didn't even think when she said it or has given it an extra thought. She knows how much you love your baby like any mother would ❤️

AzraiL · 13/09/2020 14:58

I've heard a lot of grandparents say that their love for their grandchildren was somehow different from how they loved their own children, probably because they were able to truly enjoy them as they're older, and weren't suffering from lack of sleep, or all the other stuff that has parents frazzled and tired.

I wouldn't take it personally, I think maybe she was just trying to express this sentiment and worded it awkwardly.

MissSmiley · 13/09/2020 15:39

Maybe she said "more than you know" which is lovely and sounds a lot like "do"

I8toys · 13/09/2020 15:48

Very odd thing to say

Original poster
ChelseaCat · 13/09/2020 18:43

@MissSmiley

Maybe she said "more than you know" which is lovely and sounds a lot like "do"
Interesting suggestion
OP posts:
blisstwins · 13/09/2020 19:26

My mother always says loving a grandchild is different—pure joy and none of the heaviness of responsibility and new parenthood. She has said things like I did not know I was capable of love that rivaled that I have for you (me, her daughter), but the love I feel for my grandchild is something I never felt before. I think being a grandparent is different from being a parent and she was being effusive. I would not take it to heart.

Lollyneenah · 13/09/2020 19:30

I think it was supposed to be "more than you know" but it has come out wrong.
I dont think my sister has any idea how much I love her babies SmileI'm cant take my eyes off them, they're so bloody gorgeous and lovely.

It's a good thing OP

New posts on this thread. Refresh page