After realising that my DH behaviour is sometimes abusive, i have done a lot if thinking and a lot of things from the past have come to mind where he was awful to me and day to day things that he does now that I still just don't understand.
Sometimes i think he does certain things on purpose and other times i think no it would be crazy.
I'm also certain that he does absolutely not see himself as abusive in any way and that he thinks i am to blame. So i wonder if he has a skewed view of relationship(s) and just doesn't see at all how he behaves is not nice? Does he in his mind think that he is completely right and i am wrong?
And I'm not talking about physical abuse.
As an example tonight he's been in a bad mood very obviously (moving things and smashing them down just a bit too hard, enough to make me flinch). Then dinner time he picks up the empty pot of chocolate mousse that DS just finished
DH 'what's this there some left!?' (less than half a teaspoon)
DS ' it was a bit too sweet'
DH 'so you just waste it?!' And throws it back to the table
DS picks it up to finish it, clearly upset
ME to DS 'you don't have to force yourself to finish it if it's too sweet
DH shouting 'CANT YOU JUST BE ON MY SIDE FOR ONCE!!'
Me 'why are you shouting'
Etc etc
Normally I would not encourage wasting food, with exception of sweets/desserts. I just don't think it's healthy to force kids to finish a dessert (usually they do anyway )
Normally i know better than to say anything opposing DH view but tonight it just cane out. Was i wrong?
I know he definitely thinks i was wrong and carried on making his point how i never back him up (not true) and actually said 'you do realise we are two different people?!'
I think he would want me never to disagree with anything but i think surely it's normal to disagree sometimes? We actually are two different people, it's normal, isn't it?
And just earlier today he disappeared with me in front of the kids about food
Sorry it's all too long and I'm rambling, but i think what I'm trying to understand is does he really do this stuff on purpose? Or is he just completely right in his mind and totally blind to the double standards??